Unclear to dark, then into the Light

Before I received eternal life, I was living selfishly, trying to fill the emptiness that I felt.

I grew up in the church, but never had an understanding beyond traditions and religion. At 17 years old, I walked away from the church and began seeking to fill the void I felt through women, drugs, and alcohol. I lived a very dark life for the following 7 years, proclaiming that God didn't exist. Feeling like religion was a way to control people. A friend introduced me to this idea of a relationship with Christ. A real relationship, as if HE was my best friend. This was foreign to me. Over the next few years, I began to try to be a better person, and began to really contemplate this whole idea, but still struggled with the "have to's" that I learned in religion. Still partying all week long, and still living for me for the most part. I didn't get off the fence until my daughter was born. I decided I needed to be a good example to my daughter, and the only way I knew how to do this, was attend church.

I learned about God's mercy and grace. I learned that He has forgiven me of ALL my sins, past, present, and future. Although this was hard to understand, because I was not a good person, at all. I accepted the free gift of eternal life, and now try to let my life be a reflection of who Christ is. I have my ups and downs, but I hold on to the Truth in His Word, and look to Him for my strength.

Now that I have eternal life, I don't feel empty, and I know my life has a purpose. God had constantly pursued me and protected me through my dark years. I shouldn't be here today. I shouldn't still be able to process thoughts. I shouldn't have my health. But I do.

I am free. I no longer live under rules and traditions as I failed to do in the past.

Now, I have the confidence that if I were to die today, I would be going to heaven.