Trusting His Plans

Throughout my life God has continuously reminded me to rest in His peace and to rely on His perfect plan for my life above my own. He is my constant source of comfort and hope.

I grew up in a Christian home, with both parents working in our church and a wonderful upbringing that brought me to know the Lord at an early age. I grew in my understanding of God and my relationship with Him as I got older. I've always been a planner, one who knew what my next step should be and how I would get there. I served at my church, honored God with my life actions and my life was falling into place just as I thought it should. My husband and I had started dating during my freshman year of high school. We moved away for college, got married half way through completing our degrees, and we both completed our degrees and teaching credentials. We moved back to our hometown, got jobs and started to look for our first home. My husband and I prayed about it quite a bit and decided we were ready to start our family. We had full faith that God would bless us with a baby and we were so excited to be parents. 6 months after we had decided we were ready, I finally got a positive pregnancy test! I got to tell my husband the great news through a Father's Day card while we were on a dock overlooking Hume Lake; it was an absolutely perfect, tear filled moment that I will never forget. We already loved this baby so much and we saw our whole lives changing before our eyes; we were parents! We announced the exciting news to our families and closest friends and everyone was so excited. About a week later my life was forever changed as we lost our baby and I lost a piece of my heart. Suddenly my whole life was not changing, my body felt physical pain and emptiness as I dealt with the loss, and my heart felt broken. It wasn't until I lost my baby that I fully realized what it looked like for me to rest in the peace of God, to rely on Him for my strength, to love Him through something that was difficult that didn't make sense to me, to not be angry that His plans didn't match up with mine. I had to choose to love him and praise Him even though I was so sad, and so mad, that this was a part of my life story. I didn't want a miscarriage to be a part of my story and I didn't want to know that level of loss and pain. But through those difficult days, I never questioned that God was good. I didn't have to praise Him FOR my pain, but I did have to praise Him THROUGH my pain. I didn't know if my body could or would ever successfully grow a baby, I didn't know if my life would end up looking like I expected it to, but I knew that I would trust in God's plans, I would rest in His comfort, and I would praise His name through it all. It was through this painful life experience that I realized my constant struggle to control my own life and to live by my plans rather than the plans of my God. I had never known what it truly looked like for me to rest in His peace and trust in Him until I felt that level of brokenness. I am thankful for the ability to find comfort in my heavenly father through those hard times. I am thankful that I was able to support my sister and some of my friends as they later dealt with that heartbreak. And I am very thankful that God gave me the comfort of resting in His peace and His plans throughout the process of becoming a mom to the two precious, healthy babies that He gave me. Being their mom is such a gift and raising them to love and know Jesus is my blessing. If my life has wonderful or painful twists or turns, I know that I will still struggle with it but I know that I need to rest in God's plans. He is constantly helping me to do this as I offer up my struggles to Him. "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21. God gave me the gift of being a mom, and with it the understanding of the love that a parent has for their children. My job as a parent is to protect them, to love them, to keep them safe. I keep that love in mind as I look at the gospel; God loved His son whole heartedly yet He sent Him to earth to die an excruciating death for the sins of the world that we might gain eternity with Him. It's an incredibly humbling thought and a constant reminder that God gave everything up for me and my life needs to be lived as a response to this. I fall short often, I will continue to fall short for the rest of my life, but I am thankful to Jesus for the unending grace that He gives me and the opportunity to love Him through my life. It's a verse that we all know but one that is very special to my heart, "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

God is my comfort and my peace, my purpose and my redeemer. I am forever grateful for the promise of the cross!