Total SUBMISSION

Before I fully submitted to God and accepted Jesus Christ in my life, I thought that when I went to church it was just another "club". I knew that people really believed in God. I thought I did. I still had my doubts, but so did Thomas the Apostle I suppose. I gave up because I was striving and trying to get to God by "doing all the right things". I labeled myself an agnositc, then atheist. I was bitter. I was jaded. I was very cynical. I was a nurse and VERY SCIENCE minded. Self centered, always keeping myself busy with something. I would drink alcohol to numb the pain/sadness/stress.

I had everything but nothing at the same time. I felt like I was just spinning wheels. Same stuff different day. What was the point? Doing the same thing over and over again.

Last year, December 2025 I was watching a man on youtube talk about Jesus... and he was so sincere. I thought well, he is sincere and he really believes. What if this is true? So I got on my knees and said "God, if you are real, I am sorry I have lived my life my way. I want to try your way." I felt the warmth of peace in my spirit. It was so warm and comforting. Instantly I could not get enough of spending time with the Holy Spirit. The Bible came to life to me in a way I had never experienced it. Everything around me started to change. I was changing. I was praying for God to go before me every day at work and to open doors for me to talk about Him and HE DID! I had two physical encounters with the Holy Spirit. Both times in the bathroom of all places! Taking a shower and brushing my teeth. I was simply doing tasks to get ready for work, not thinking about ANYTHING.... then BAM! It was like a ball of energy just hit me in my stomach and traveled up to my brain and put a thought in there that WAS NOT ON MY MIND AT ALL! God gave me directions to #1: Call my dad that I hadn't spoken to in years and had unforgiveness toward, and #2: pray for my grandmother. For #1, all He wanted me to do was show my obedience by calling my dad. That was showing that I was willing and able to forgive my dad. He never answered the phone. For #2, a week after God told me to pray for her, she was put on hospice. I was able to drive the 2 hrs to see her twice before she passed. She was a great woman of God that prayed for her family EVERY day. I know she is in heaven rejoicing over my life with Jesus right now. Something else that changed was with my job. God actually used me... worked through my prayers for a broken and desperate person who needed healing AND HEALED HER THE NEXT DAY. I WAS a traveling home health nurse. I had a nursing career that I enjoyed and I was making masters degree money with a bachelors degree. I was at the top of my field right where I thought I would be the rest of my life. Especially since God was working SO MUCH in my life and career. But in mid May 2025 I got the overwhelming sense (I now know it was the Holy Spirit telling me) that I would not be doing this job the rest of my life. Two weeks later I had a patient make up a complete lie against me and my company did not even investigate, they just let me go. I don't know if I will ever do nursing full time anymore and THATS OK! Sometimes God asks us to give up the things we hold on to so dearly to follow HIM and I am 100% willing to do that. I have applied to 12-14 different places and I am not hearing back. God is closing those doors. Randomly tonight, I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to apply to be a prayer partner at CBN. I promise that was never on my bingo card. That's how I know it is what God wants because it makes NO sense to me or my husband and my family and my husband's family are going to look at me like I have 5 heads!! hahahha God is so good! and He is WORKING! TRUST THAT!

I have a KNOW THAT I KNOW knowledge of Jesus Christ and that He ALONE is the Son of God the Father and that He wants to restore us to the original intent of creation which was to WALK CLOSELY and commune with Him.

I am praying that God will kill every part of me that is selfish and isn't of Him. Everything is from Him and for Him. Nothing is mine. He gave it to me. I am willing to give it all back to Him OVER AND OVER again. I have never felt that way in my LIFE. He is our HOPE.

When I was let go from my job, I drove to the site to return my computer and badge. I was able to speak to the Quality Coordinator (who was not a chrisitan) that saw crazy good things happen in my life that could not be explained using his rationale (I knew how to explain it!!). I was crying because I still could not wrap my head around the fact that I was not going to do that job anymore. And the Holy Spirit made me state something so BOLD: I told him I had an encounter with God that I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is real and if someone had a gun to my head and told me to denounce Christ or die, I would NEVER denounce him and would be fine dying on the spot. He looked DUMBFOUNDED. I have also had this same exact conversation with my kids (ages 14-21). They don't even recognize me anymore (GLORY TO GOD!) He is so good and worthy to be praised in the joy and in the pain. Jesus went through all the pain for us and told us there would be trials and hard times, so let us not be surprised when they come! Let us lean into them with THANKS!