Tomas Angel. Testimony

Empty and full of fear

Surviving Medellin Colombia reality for young people

I was born again

Now i dont have fear i know the tine is cominv to meet god

Tomas Angel Testimony I was born on september 29 1989 The day of the archangels. Im devoted to St Michael Archangel. I was born on Medellin, Colombia in the middle of a conflict or a better called war. I come from a middle class working family, my grandfather was a respected politician senator of the republic and bussiness man, his father was also politician. My other grandfather a very catholic man, honest and a good worker was murdered before i was born my mother always talks about him like the best father one can ever have. Also my uncle by my father side and my godfather of birth was murdered when i was 2 years old with his daughter on his hands this affected my father for the rest of his life with his struggle with alcoholism. we never knew the reason why just victims of a war. I grew up with very decent amenities in the best neighborhood of the city, i went to a catholic private school and we where part of the best country club where i used to spend hours every day playing golf, polo and tennis, but i also grew up in a dysfunctional family broken by fear, violence and addiction. My father was a violent person he has a strong character when he was sober he was lovely and a hard working man very honored but after a full night of drinking outside he returned home to create trouble insulting my mother and some times beating her, breaking doors and furniture. My mother used to confront him every time he came home drunk. I remember one night i heard yellin and my mother crying, my father was about to beat her. I was 6 years old, i had to get out of my bed and tell him that if he touch her i would kill him and everything stopped i went back to my bed crying thats when i realized something was very wrong. I had to go to school every day and deal with this. Now i wasnt just Tomas, i was Tomas part of a dysfunctional family broken by war. Unfortunately this happened a lot of times. I still love my father and i forgive him i knew hi was just sick I started to grew up older and i became a revel. I used to hang with the quiet better student ones then i changed for the rebels who most of them lived in dysfunctional families as well. By the age of 14 i was using cigarettes and alcohol and by the age of 17 i was completely introduced into “ the party”. Now it was cocaine, extasis and prostitutes. Unfortunately in Medellin by that time there was to kinds of youngsters, the ones that wanted to be lawyers, doctors or architects probably educated by non dysfunctionals familys and the rebels who pretty much wanted to be like Pablo Escobar the demon that ruined a complete generation. That was the other colombian dream. I was kicked out of the first school at 1st grade of highschool, i went to 13 schools in total and in the fourth one i went called The New School ‘for new people” was owned by a big mafia family and was made for the children of drug lords who wherent acepted into decent schools for working people, there is where my life changed completely. In my class room when we where just kids i met the sons of several big bosses and they started to like me, they thought i was cool or funny cause i used to like calling for atention. They where just kids but they lived a crazy life. One of them used to owned his own private afterhours electronic music club by the age of only 16, he used to let me in for free every weekend or without adult ID Theres where i was introduced to Medellin’s crazy night life and since i play piano since 8 years old i developed a passion for electronic music and realized i wanted to be a famous DJ so i followed my dream and started learning making this music live and mixing it to find out i was talented and an Artist. My mother always told me i was an artist because i used to paint too. But this passion for this type of underground devil music that was more than poison than something good for me introduced me into a crazy and dark reality of drug abuse. Eventually i became kind of famous because my music was sofisticated so i was contacted by the best local artists of my generation to realice after they where more like a gang but thats another story. In my teenager ignorance and immaturity i used to like to hang with this lost children sons of warlords and killers and i was very curious and curiousity almost killed the cat. I was impressed by all that money and that power. Hanguing with them meant popularity and i wanted to be popular this was the kind of person this young ladys wanted to have and they where beautiful. Thats part of the way of thinking of young people generated by ignorance on a country in war, that was the fashion. So i realized growing up that this was a problem and my father always told me that wasnt right, that all this people was bad and i should honor my family’s profile and be part of something better in life so i graduated highschool and decided to join the US military. I was about 6 years old when i became an american citizen and ever since i wanted to feel patriotic about that so when 9/11 events happened that gave motivated me after to fight against terrorism, it broke my hart watching all that suffering and also joining the army would give me a decent career and an opportunity to gain independance from my family, get away from Medellin reality and give something back to the country that opened the gates of freedom for me and create positive impact on this other war. I really wanted so safe lives and punish the bad ones. So i prepared my self physically and in my mind, i stopped “the party” and left everything behind even a girlfriend i had. I travelled far away and recruited myself to the infantry and created a new mission in my life for honor and make my family proud. I went through the biggest challenge of my life, a very hard training where i started getting closer to god, praying everyday asking him for courage and strenght i didnt have because i knew what was possibly coming, war. Since im a child im very spiritual its on my education from my mother’s side we used to pray together every time my father was missing for days for him to come back safe. My mother is completely devoted to God but my father’s abuse and not only that, all the abuse she went through in life made her violent too and i used to get serious whippings because of my rebel behavior like the first time i was caught smoking cigarrete i received 20 lether bells strikes that caused blood coming out of my skin it was so painful, i cried and i cried and i used to think she enjoyed this and she used this to take out the anger she had in her life of not being happy on me, But i forgive her for that. The other part of her was all love and a devoted mon and i still loved God but i used to ask him why? Why was i born in all this kind of hell. What helped me go through in infantry trainning, one of the toughest and most serious trainning for warfare in the world was God and my prayers. I went through bullying and humiliation like never in my life and some sense of being discriminated from the people i thought it was worth giving my life for. We where all supossed to practice the values of lidership and the most important ones. Integrity, doing the right thing and respect and some people didnt understood this right, the basis of teamwork in environments like war. I went into deep depression trying to process that plus fatigation from no sleeping at all, physical strength pushed over the limits and the nerves about the big task that was coming made me snap. I went into psychosis thinking i that the other members of the platoon wanted to murder me or everyone wanted to murder me. This was 2 days before graduation. I never saw them as my enemies just people who has problems and act by ignorance but if it wasnt because i reached out for god and called him everyday on that trainning i could have made the worst mistake of my life being completely out of reality, i could have harm myself or others and come to the end of my life. A life i had so much great expectations when i was a kid full of oportunities. After that experience i knew i was not alone in life. I had to be discharged after a long depressing process and returned back to Medellin empty of my dreams of doing something honorable in life but i remember that in the psychiatric floor i was hospitalized there was a digital piano keyboard and i used to spend hours playing it and for me it was like a sign that what i should do in life is music and not war. Something didnt wanted me to go to Afghanistan and complete that task so i took that as an alternative and when i returned home i started to take that path, doing the best music possible with synthesizers. I Had my unique sound and i was good, i was proud to be listened by other good artists even some famous ones and doing music with them but unfortunately adiction is part of that world and i ended up escaping my issues created by that military experience with drug abuse again. In the underground world of electronic music there is all types of characters. Most of them very bizarre, some good just crazy people who loves lights and this sounds but other are monsters. Maniacs, Psycopaths, and satanic. I always saw my art as a gift from god a gift of light to create master pieces full of colors and beauty but other use them for darkness to represent hell on their work. Both is art and expression but it creates too different types of artists and few of the artists i work with where like me and offcorss darkness does not tolerate light. I thought it would be great to work with the best artists on town to find out they where all about darkness and i tried to change that but i ended up realizing they where satanics and they saw my light and they couldnt tolerate it they where jealous so i almost end up being sacrified one night at a dark music event where i was all set up to go. I went in there and perceived a very bad energy and they started threatening me with their eyes and gathering around me acting really scary and i started praying until one point i fled when the sun came out and they wherent aware of me. I had to spend more than 4 hours of heavy intimidation. I went home and promissed my self to stay away from electronic music for ever. Until this day i receive weird messages on my phone. Pictures of very nasty people i dont know and they are really scary and also texts of things that dont make any sense. I guess is threats from coward people. I spended some other time in that city where i decided next to leave all this behind and come back to USA where i had to go through to other challenges like covid 19 and social problems and i developed a mental illnes condition. i get to handle my past and being alone far from my family being very close to God every day like if it was my food living on this hard times Im surpassing addiction and depression and only God knows whats coming next in my Life but i now i know im not alone. I was born the day of St Michael Archangel Ive seen it all in Life. Misery, murder, war, mothers crying for their lost sons, suicide, poberty, abuse and really bad people, ive seen the devils eyes, ive been so abused in life too if not sexually as well but the fact that im still alive and i have never commited a crime on another person makes me believe there is something that cares for all of us. JESUS CHRIST

Im confident that if i stay on this pad my soul will return to paradise