Testimony: God's Hand in My Life

Though I am young, God's hand has been visibly at work in my life. Whether it be through dreams, personal experiences, or quiet moments with Him, I am reminded of the peace He brings, and His promise of eternal life because of my acceptance of His sacrifice.

As most kids are, I was bullied when I was young. I can recall times when I was playing with “friends” who took off their belts and began to whip me, calling it a game. I remember a day when I was purposely hit in the face with a hockey stick, chased down by kids on bikes, and had my fort in the woods completely wrecked after weeks of building it. Still, I kept playing with these kids because I was afraid to be alone. I was afraid that if I didn’t belong to a group that I would be the pariah and I would really make no friends. I craved that sense of belonging that was only satisfied when I had others around me, despite the mental and physical abuse. One day, something beyond words occurred. One of my “friends” was having a cookout and I was attending with my younger sister. I was about ten years old, and my sister, younger neighbor, and I were playing catch at the party. This younger neighbor was the brother of the girl who bullied me the most, so when I accidentally tossed the ball too hard and it hit him in the face, she was the one to retaliate. I remember knowing that there would be consequences, even if it was an honest mistake, so I grabbed my sister and we ran home. As I got home, a pounding and shouting came from the back door. My younger sister went to check along with my dad, and they found that the whole group of kids from the party were now at my back door, screaming for me to come out. I paled and immediately felt helpless, even inside of my own home. The pounding and chanting continued from the backyard despite my dad’s attempts at telling them to go home, which only worsened my state. Before I could register it, I was running for the bathroom as I got sick. I made it there and shut and locked the door, collapsing to the floor. I couldn’t breathe, the world was spinning, and I felt so helpless and so lost in that moment more than I think I’ve ever felt. The people I had liked to call my friends were at the back door threatening me over an honest accident, and I was so afraid of what they would do to me. What happened next was something so extraordinary that I have never been able to find the words for it. I was sitting on the cold tile of my bathroom floor in so much pain that I couldn’t think straight. I remember having no control as my lips started moving, repeatedly saying, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus”. I have thought about it for years, and I truly can’t say how it happened, but as soon as I said His name several times, ending it with, “help me”, my vision went dark. I saw nothing and heard, actually heard, such a crushing silence that it was like a weighted blanket had been thrown over me. I remember such a warm, light, feeling wash over me, something that I have described as pure love flooding through me. When my vision came back, my pain was gone. I could breathe again and in place of that empty hole that had been growing in my core, were the remnants of such a feeling of love and belonging. What I felt in those ten seconds in the presence of God was enough to fill that emptiness inside of me more than four years of being with peers had. It was the day that I knew without a doubt that God was real and he loved me. And more than that, he actually listened to me. It has been about ten years since then, and along the way my life has seen more and more proof of God's everlasting love for us. I have been blessed with several dreams that I am certain are from God in the past few years, dreams that I have awoken from with that same sense of endless love, unable to stop crying because of the sheer power of it. What I have taken from them are three things: 1.) Our words have power, and so much of it. Especially those spoken in Jesus' name. 2.) God listens to us and he hears us, and we can do the same to Him if we simply listen and seek with our hearts. 3.) The love and power of God is beyond our comprehension, or anything words could even come close to describing. Love almost isn't the right word for it. Because of these moments God has so clearly inserted in my life, I have been able to grow in Him in ways I could never have imagined, and with others. I know that I am supposed to share these things, and I can only hope that this speaks to someone as much as He has intended it to.

Throughout this walk with God, I have been tested time and time again. Yet, I find myself encountering moments of crushing peace and love when I am at my lowest, and I know that God is rooting for me and He is reminding me of His promise of eternal life.