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still letting go
hi! im still figuring this whole jesus thing out and i face a new battle every day but I thought that maybe there's somebody else out there going through the same stuff and if I shared my story they might not feel so alone.
I am 16 years old and I was raised agnostic- no Jesus- but I remember begging my father to take me to a church at the end of our street when I was about 5 years old. I have no memory of what the sermon was, let alone the denomination of the church, but that was my first encounter with the holy spirit.
This was the only time I attended church until the age of 13. The death of my grandfather left me helpless and confused, so I turned to the Methodist church. Over the next two years, I experienced very little spiritual growth and often times felt discouraged because I was so alone. Mothers would drag their children to church every Sunday while my father was always eager to drag me home. My own mother would, most likely have gone off on one of her psychotic episodes (she's been in and out of the hospital with bipolar depression my entire life).
This is a really short version of my story, and I apologize for any confusion due to its brevity. After i turned 15, I was molested by a trusted adult for nearly a year before I said anything. Both parents blamed me and said that I was making a big deal out of nothing. That's when I accepted Jesus Christ as my holy father whom I hope to someday be with in heaven.
Every day I say the words "I forgive you" to myself because I am unable to say them to his face. Every day it gets easier, but it is never easy. Jesus Christ is not a rabbit's foot. Living my life for him doesn't solve my problems, in fact I think He's added a few, but every struggle I face He walks alongside me. He doesn't take away your pain either. I still hurt every single day. But my perfect father understands me. He was with me in my darkest moments and He is with me as I type these words.
I guess that if there's anything I want you to get from this horribly written story, it would be that everyone carries a cross on their shoulders that you may not be able to see. Even the reasonably attractive 16 year old girl who sings in the church choir and dates the pastor's son.
Be quick to forgive others, but even quicker to ask for forgiveness.
Your testimony matters too