Spiritually targeted from birth

I believe in the Holy Trinity because from the moment I was born a spiritual target has been placed upon my life. Gods mercy through out my life just proves that.

my father killed himself when I was eight months old in that moment God became my primary parent for he is a father to the fatherless

Growing up with twelve siblings can be hard, my earliest memories is feeling abandoned by my biological family but because we got dragged to church every Sunday I had the privilege in learning about the one true savior Yeshua. Satan he sees something not just in me but others who believe how I know this there has been a spiritual target on my head from the moment I was born, you see I was held hostage with my older siblings and mother this man was extremely violent towards my mother in all ways my mother tells of me how the man kicked a twelve inch ash tray towards my head she speak of how it flew over my head shattering in the air not one piece of glass within reach of me, God the Father protected me you see to God I’m special why you may wonder my father took his life when I was eight months old, God becomes a father to the fatherless it is written (Psalms 68:5) that’s doesn’t make me more special than you please allow me to state we are all equal in Father God eyes, but the moment my father died because of Satan attacks God stepped in and he became my primary parent, another time I was around the age of seven and a palm reader was calling me in the town center to go to her trailer I was ignoring her for my mother was in the shop I remember holding onto the pram in fear before remembering who protects me in my head I would call out to God the palm reader she was getting more angry the fact I was ignoring her I turned to her and I told her how I love Jesus how what she is doing is wrong this woman looked so taken aback before getting more angry telling me to get over, my mother eventually came to my side and as we walked of she was still calling me in that moment I knew I was different but not in a bad way this is just the surface of my childhood trauma does go far deeper than this. The terrible things that happened to my mother when we where held hostage someone had to get the blame and unfortunately it was placed on me for the man genuinely believed I was his daughter hence why he held us hostage he couldn’t understand I wasn’t his to the point he went to kill us all so my mother in a way blamed me I was made to help raise my siblings when I was a child myself I was made to help clean cook not just me my other siblings also my I had the majority of responsibilities and I obey my mother when ever she would tell me to do something because bible taught me to Obey my Mother and Father so I would do it sometimes I would complain put up a fight but most days I would obey then at the age of twelve that’s when my older brother would start to sexually abuse me I would pray and ask God for it to stop but it didn’t so by the age of twelve whilst carrying my faith I was having adult responsibilities at home whilst being sexually abused on top having a mother who would drink too much sometimes she was in pain but it also reminds me of the time I was ten when she was drunk and told me how my father is not my real father my real father is dead he killed himself in jail she forgot she told me that but in that moment my world shattered first thought was why wasn’t I good enough for him I ran to my room and cried to God once again I look back to my childhood and the person I would run to was Father God because I had no friends I had a unstable home but I had God I was being bullied at school and at home even in my bedroom at night I never had a break it got to the point I just wanted to follow my earthly father foot’s steps in year eight in school after lunch everyone went to class I went to the bathroom and as I’m getting ready to hang myself im asking God for help I don’t want this life I don’t know what to do the school cleaner walked in she got on the radio to staff straight away all teachers flooding in to my rescue I sat with the deputy head he was a good teacher we sat and spoke eventually he had me laughing my mum walked in picking me up shouting pointing the finger saying I’m looking for attention that teacher he stood up for me first time I felt someone defending me later that evening he actually phoned to see if I was okay before he goes home he made me feel seen he was a blessing from God to help me through another storm and he did I was also diagnosed with autism at this period of time the years past we moved country I moved school and at the age of sixteen I finally spoke up of what was going on at home police put it down as not proven in Scotland when police believe you but they can’t take it to court the put it down as not proven so it can be used as evidence if anyone else comes forward but unfortunately my family never believed me because how could my own brother do that to me I hid under my bed that night to avoid fly objects getting thrown at me one of my older brothers even told me to go kill myself since the brother who abused me tried to hang himself I had no other choice so I snuck out that house sleeping on a bench to avoid home I was praying for God to protect me as I try and rest on the streets at the age of sixteen with the school help I got homed I left school due to the trauma I did another attempt from the loneliness after a few months I ended back in the country I was born I went back to my childhood church the very one my mum would make and my siblings attended every Sunday when my mother found out I was attending the church she made lies saying I was accusing other men is sexual abuse it was a lie a lie she made to protect the family image to protect my older brother who abused me so me and my now ex husband left I met him in that church and at 18 I married him he was a lot older then me he was abusive in all areas he would use the bible saying wife’s must submit to their husbands as they submit to the church against me in order to be under his full control I left that marriage with a broken jaw in two places I was 19 I ran out the house at 3am in just a towel begging God for someone to be up he was going to kill me I remember seeing a light on a house that was on and I never ran so fast my ex husband was in a car looking for me I banged on that door a old man opened it I’m in tears soaked in just a towel asking please phone the police his wife soon came to the door and allowed me in God kept me safe once again when my ex husband went to jail I had a real big emotional breakdown all the mental abuse changed me I fell away from God I was angry I shaved all my hair of on a break down before doing another attempt my friends who I lived with at the time phoned for a ambulance since they seen my air ways where closing after I told them since he wouldn’t stop asking why has my voice changed I were into streaming in A&E the nurse looks in my mouth before rushing getting a doctor the doctor looks and sent me straight to resus to where they kept an eye on my throat it was not going down so they said they have to put me in a medical induced coma yeah the fear that entered me I just ran I don’t know why I just ran I was afraid but thankfully police were around the corner and got me straight away and took me back and stood as I was induced in a coma I was in the coma a week when I recovered I phoned my mum to inform her since the nurses said she was phoning worried but not one family member was at my side..I was put on speaker when I said I was in an a coma from an attempt my entire family laughed before my step dad said is that all and hung up something broken in me then I went of the rails hating the world back against God started to drink do drugs break the law I hit the police something I do regret for the police have seriously saved my life in some situations they never deserved it I was diagnosed with bpd and C-PTSD at this period in my early 20s I would end up having a nde my friends turned up to my house since I failed to meet up for coffee my door was unlocked my door is never unlocked so trust me when I say that was a miracle they seen me and phoned 999 I remember being in this dark cold void before having putter body experience I would be out my body then back to the void as my friend begged me not to die as I’m in the outer body experience I got sucked back into this black void and that’s when the fear kicked in that’s when I knew because I couldn’t feel my body the way I soon cried out to God father give me another chance I know Yeshua but he don’t know me I don’t want him turning his back to me on judgment day saying he never knew me nothing fear increased now I’m a mess in a plea crying out God I know you can hear me please give me another chance I want to know Yeshua more within a instant I’m up making the paramedics jumps slightly then I seen the tablets I heard the police and first thought was I’m about to get sectioned and I chickened out and went for the tablets because let’s just say mental health hospital are a hard place to be in it’s like a prison I survived and I was sent home I was struggling so badly with my mh I was being used by people who claimed to be my friends but they were stealing form my house they’d mock my abused what I went through and even say I was lying about such advents that’s happened in my life so I fall into witchcraft in hopes I find comfort and truth is life was good until one night in sleep I had sleep paralysis the way I cried out for Yeshua in my head something laughed in my ear and said “he can’t save you now” but I knew that was is I remember the word for growing up how the enemy comes to kill steal and destroy how the enemy will lie to try and deceive you the way I was able to scream Jesus the hands that held my wrist neck back and ankles down was off within an instant and I woke up I got back on my walk with God I got quite strong till people online started to mock me for people don’t truly grasp autism they just see me as strange or crazy even a well know tt creator did a dig towards me and did a vid of the “crazy women” in church i’m not crazy i just communicate differently and at this point relationships with my mother started to heal I went on holiday as she looked at my bible she was questioning and slightly mocking my bible study my grandfather did defend me in this time but that crushed me I fell away family broken apart again I turned from God again I would throw myself in the river as an attempt police helped again getting me out I was rushed to hospital with hypothermia I would fall back into witchcraft for that comfort I once felt that one time life was at a still in a sense and in that period I would try and sell my soul (I'm stupid I know) but you see even though I feel back in witchcraft Yeshua left the 99 again to fetch me back and the reason I felt comfort in witchcraft is because Satan had a hold of me he didn’t want me back on the winning side he won’t torment someone on his team no he only goes after people he’s afraid off the love he showed me was a lie I was deceived I’ve been holding back telling my testimony until I was certain enough but I am certain I might still have my low days everybody does even Yeshua wept but I still carry my faith and the word even teaches of how the full of heaven rejoices when one sinner repents I look back at my life now that I’m twenty seven and I see it wasn’t luck it wasn’t me but it was God it has always been God you see the moment I spoke up about the childhood abuse that was courage something the Holy Spirit gave me in that time this was never my work but it was always Gods work my life might of been a mess but you can see how much the Holy Trinity has carried me through you can see how much they protect me when I was in a coma Yeshua was at my side holding my hand feeling my pain I was feeling I might of turned my back of God but God has never turned his back on me I’m now engaged to someone who truly loves me the way Father wants his daughters to be loved and he will never turn his back on you if he can do all this work in my life imagine the work he can do in your life if you just believe and have faith that he is God and that Yeshua died for our sins and that he rose three days later and gifted us the most precious gift of all the Spirit of God our comforter the Holy Spirit he is our translator the pain we cry in prey them words we can not explain when crying out to God Holy Spirit he translates it to Father…God loves you so much sometimes we can be to blind by the world to see what miracles he’s actually performed in our life