Reforming a Broken Heart and Soul

Before I felt God's love, I was living for myself buried in sin. I was looking for happiness in anything that temporarily satisfied me, and I just kept falling. I kept going back into this dark, rainy, foggy state of mind where I just wanted to die. I didn't care if I went to hell.

One time my classmates did a project on death. My teacher asked us if any of us had come to terms with the fact we were going to die one day. I said to the whole class that I did not think about dying, and if I were to die, I didn't care if I went to hell. I remember my parents fighting and being so afraid of my parents and things going on at school, I began cutting myself and I also became a bulimic. These voices in the back of my head vere saying things to me that I believed. Awful, vile things straight from demons were pulling my thoughts left and right every moment of every day.

Then I visited my younger sisters friends church. It took a few months, but I began to feel the love run through me and truly feel freed and forgiven. I finally let God take control of my life and I finally felt free of my sin. I could finally move on and walk out of the chains that were once dragging me down.

Right now, I feel so overwhelmed with the love of the Holy Spirit. every moment of every day, I want to pour my heart into all my friends so they can feel the love I do. When I worship, I cry because I am so thankful for a savior that cares enough about me to relieve me from sin and take away the chains that had drug me down. Jesus has changed me so much I can barely describe how much I feel from him. He has made all my struggles seem like lint I can just toss in the trash. Once I wanted to die. Once I didn't care what happened to me. Now, I want to spend my life walking with Jesus. Now, I am excited to die because I will get to see Jesus face to face.

The other day, I was in class and I was staring off into space. My friend, Ian, asked me if I needed to go to a mental hospital. I know he was just joking around. i responded to him saying that I did not need to go to a mental hospital because I had Jesus. Ian laughed at me and said that was the stupidest thing he had ever heard. All my friends around him heard it. Immediately, I thought back to Mark 13, and where I had read that people will mock and laugh at Christ and you. Ians words slid right past me and I moved on because I has a feeling of content with myself. I felt proud and I felt like God was proud. In a moment of fear and humiliation, I felt love and respect.

I have made some stupid choices, and those I don't know how God could forgive me. But Today, I am excited to say that if he came to get his people, I am proud to be one of them and I can't wait to walk on the streets of gold through the pearly gates.