Only He was enough

Before I really knew Jesus and what it was like to have a relationship with him, I felt a sense of void, always searching for a level of approval in many aspects of my life. I was consumed with over achievement and gaining pats on the back and struggled with food and body image. No matter what I did, or achieved, it wasn’t enough, and I didn’t feel good enough. The God I knew, had lots of rules, judgement and barriers to him. I really didn’t know God, and didn’t think He loved me personally. I felt like I wasn’t enough.

I started becoming fixated on success, materialism, approval and accomplishments. I remember when I first started experiencing success, outwardly seeming like I have it all together, but inside I was sad, filled with guilt and shame. I didn’t believe God made me just as He wanted, and that I was His beautiful creation. I constantly told myself that I wasn't good enough- I wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough. nothing was enough. And the harder I tried, the more frustrated I was.

Then I sat and listened to a different message in church that told me that I was a child of THE KING. I was perfect, just as he created me and most of all, He Loved me just as I was. Not 10 pounds lighter, after I won an award at work or with another degree. JUST AS I WAS. He wanted a relationship me. He wanted to hear from me. The God that created the universe, cared about me and how I felt. And even more importantly, He created me uniquely with my own super powers and I am meant to stand out, and use those gifts to glorify him. It was the most freeing thought I had felt EVER.

I was always looking for whats next, whats better and then I found the only ONE thing that will fill me up. Since I embraced and truly believed that He forgives, and loves me, have never felt more peace, truly fullfilled and accepted.

There are still things and circumstances that come up and some of my old though patterns and negative self thoughts are stirred up, but I armor up, keep my eye on him, and know that with God, we will win that battle, every time.

Through his love, grace and mercy, I know that I am achieving what truly matters most; eternal life with Jesus.