Never say die

To me, having God in my life means that through all the tough stuff, I never give up. That may not sound so transcendent, but it's what has kept me going in the face of my own brokenness and the heartbreak that life has handed me. He has given me the ability to rise - again & again - from the ashes of my circumstances.

I had the strange dichotomy of growing up in a family that knew & loved Jesus, while I was being physically abused, emotionally neglected and psychologically messed with by some of the prominent adults in my childhood. This resulted in me feeling very inferior to other people, yet judgemental of others at the same time - not overly useful to the Lord or happy with myself. As my adult life would have it, I have known what it's like to have laid a daughter in her grave, been cheated on and divorced, to have squandered my son's childhood at the hands of a mentally disordered step-dad and divorced a second time, dug out from under the debt he left me, while struggling with going back to school - all peppered with several bouts of intense depression. Many people have commented that that's more than my fair share of stuff, that many people would have given up on life already, and that I have every right to feel (fill in the blank). Yet in each childhood and adult situation, God was there. In His little unique ways that only I would recognize, He would let me know that I was not alone, and that I would make it. Each infusion of God gave me the impetus to not give up, to not lose hope, to not give in to regret, despair or bitterness, and to cut myself & others some slack - to try again at life. And as He has taken me through each situation, my corners get rounded down by His perspective on things while He grows me up.

While my life today is still an upward path, I know that come what may, I can handle it because God will continue to be there for me; He will use these situations to continue growing me into a more solid and compassionate person, who is useful to Him and others. I am learning to be happy anyways. Because I'm supported by God Himself - I can keep on keeping on. And considering who He's been to me throughout my life, I have this quiet confidence that when my time here on earth is done, He will welcome me into His everlasting, loving home - because He's faithful like that.