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MY WHY?
I always wondered WHY...since the beginning of my childhood and all through my adulthood did I experience such pretty much devastating tragedies...what was the purpose for all this? Some not my decisions, but just a victim of circumstances and of course others my own terrible decisions, but still terrible and painful....but I survived them all!!! THIS IS THE WHY!!! Because through it all Jesus was there...He is The only one who truly knows me and had a wonderful plan for me...that through this life experiences I may help others that have gone through the same painful experiences.... so I can comprehend their pain and share THE HOPE THROUGH OUR PRECIOUS REDEEMER AND SAVIOR... That our Heavenly Father God IS A GOD OF LOVE!!! Though His son Jesus Love came down from Heaven...The everlasting LOVE!!! In the person of Jesus Christ the ultimate sacrifice...the ultimate Love and Freedom that only a loving God can provide.. He loves us as we are in-spite of past, present, and future IT IS ALL FORGIVEN!!! But once saved it doesn't stop there...this is only the beginning of a new and abundant life walking hand in hand with our Holy family! We can live in perfect love and freedom beyond our limited imagination...we can walk in a fallen world with confidence, no fears, power, love, patience, victory, joy, wisdom, knowledge, health, peace, spiritual awareness, prosperity in all aspects, COMPLETE RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR HOLY FAMILY! A SECURE ETERNITY IN HEAVEN!!!! PRAISE GOD!! THANK YOU JESUS!!! THIS WAS MY WHY!!! I am thankful that I have the honor to have been chosen to endure my past and persevere so He can complete the plan and work in me.... THY WILL BE DONE MY LOVING FATHER!!!
Before I received the Lord I was in a state of self destruct.. In and out of relationships with a life of constant promiscuity, anger, revenge, lowest self esteem, drugs, alcohol, guilt/shame, regrets, fears, loneliness, insecurities, addiction/habits, self-centered, depression, emptiness/no purpose, cheap thrills, boredom with life, fear of death, something missing, pain of rejection, financial problems, parties and the list goes on...
I strongly believe that it all stemmed from my mothers second marriage that led us to live in Guadalajara ....the constant sexual abuse that I experienced from my stepfather at the age of 5yrs to 8, not to mention the physical abuse and verbal as well. Fast forward to our return to Texas as a teenager carrying a horrifying secret...filled me with all the negative adjectives from the list under negative...to finally end up pregnant...which I immediately terminated the pregnancy simply because I did not want the responsibility of a child. Without a doubt the abortion was a very dark experience...that as I walked out feeling like the worst criminal in existence I had just murdered my first child that God gave me.... my whole life had just been ripped out of me...that as I look up to Heaven I begged God to forgive me and that if He gave me another chance I would not commit the same murder again....well a few months later I went back to my life and not soon after I became pregnant again, but this time I didnt run to the abortion clinic because I had made God a promise...well my younger sister didnt know of my pregnancy and soon after as a result of a promotion that was offered to her she was to relocate to Florida....she new I wasnt doing anything with my life so she extended an invitation to move with her completely unaware of my pregnancy....so I accepted. fast forward I started contemplating abortion again but hesitated because of aforementioned promise...approaching 3 months of pregnancy while we were at a night club a Christian missionary approached me... and after a while of witnessing to me he convinced me to keep my son... That would be my older son Greg whom I completely love and cherish and thank God for him everyday! that night at the night club I accepted Jesus Christ ....that was the year of my and my sons salvation...
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