My Testimony

I gained such confidence and security in the knowledge of God's unconditional love when I received eternal life, because before then, I felt I had to rely on myself to be good enough to earn his love and acceptance.

I was always very concerned that I needed to do something (constantly get "re-saved" or be at a certain level of goodness) in order for God to be happy with me and to be "secure" in my salvation. I remember almost each night as a child lying in bed praying for Jesus to "come into my heart" once again, afraid He had left after my last sin. I hated the idea of God being displeased with me, but couldn't imagine the Gospel was really so simple as to trust in Jesus' work for me. I remember in high school I started discipling with my pastor's wife who had dealt with many of the struggles I was familiar with up to that point: perfectionism, moralism, fear of failure, etc. She shared the Gospel with me continually until God made me understand that it meant I was completely loved and accepted no matter what if I trusted Christ's payment for my sins. I didn't have to keep on getting saved over and over again. I just needed to have faith that my sins had been covered and that I couldn't do anything of merit on my own in God's eyes. The peace that I felt when I truly understood grace was unbelievable.

Even in spite of my perfectionistic tendencies and my frequent slips back into a works-based theology, I can be reassured over and over that I have eternal life through NOTHING of my own doing, and so nothing I do can take that away. God's grace in Jesus Christ has saved me and given me peace with Him forever.