My Testimony

God has given me peace and joy.

I grew up in a Christian family. I never had my own form of faith. My faith relied on my mom and my family. I had glimpses like when I got baptized but nothing concrete. Then my mom got sick. Pancreatic cancer spread through her body. My mom was firm in her faith. She wore God on her sleeve. After she died I couldn't fill that void. I struggled with porn, cursing, anger, doubt, and suicidal thoughts. My dad God remarried fast. I saw my stepmom as a way to replace who my mom was. I fought with my dad, my stepmom, and I fought with God. How could God take away someone so faithful? Why wasn't it me? I doubted God. When I was 16 I met a girl. She inspired me. When she was bored she read her Bible for fun. Who does that? She helped me with my loss and helped me clean up my life. Then I was invited to Love is Red. Love is Red is a Christian conference that featured worship and preachers. I was singing while worship was going on. I wasn't thinking at all then I saw my mom. I had a vision of her smiling in my head. I knew it was God. I knew that God was the one who made her smile that wide. Then I told myself that I would no longer live for myself but for God. I strive to be the person that my mom would want me to be, the person that God wants me to be.

God has filled me with joy and peace and I am confident that he has died for my sins so that I may live.