My testimony

I'm glad I have eternal life because in this life I have a father to love me despite my flaws and because of my flaws. Especially when I struggled to let Him in.

I have a hard time trusting. I want to do so much on my own and try a thousand and one things before I let someone in or ask for help. I was working at a school that was draining everything I had - happiness, joy, peace - and replaced those with stress, depression, and defeat. I had begun looking for other jobs but found nothing was available. Until I found a school that I felt like would be a great fit for me. I had interviewed and reinterviewed and felt great about my chances. I was finally getting out of my current job. But they passed on me. I felt the harsh sting of rejection and the anger at my situation and at God. Why wasn't I good enough? What was I supposed to learn from being at such a terrible place? It took days of questions and bartering - going through the steps of grief honestly - before I finally felt the familiar weight of defeat. As I walked into our summer training, I sighed and said "Okay Lord, if I have to be here, let's make it the best year yet." I had felt renewed to do what needed to be done with God on my side. Moments after my prayer, the phone rang. It was my new school asking for me - and I gladly accepted.

From that day I lean more on God and find the peace that knowing him grants me. It is the same peace I have in times of trouble, and peace that we will have eternally in Heaven with him.