My Red Beetle Testimony

Before I was born again I had a lot of anxiety.

I always had this feeling that anything could go wrong at any moment no matter how hard I worked or prepared, nothing was certain. I had this fear that people could turn on me in a moment if they disliked me, this caused me to always feel like I had to perform and please people to be liked. Because of this I was a hard worker and liked in general but, I was always living in fear that I wasn't doing enough for people to like me and always pushed my self harder just to get praise from people. It was exhausting and I unsustainable.

When I met Jesus, everything changed, I realized I had eternal life because of Him.

I no longer had anxiety about tomorrow because I knew, no matter what tomorrow brings , nothing can separate me from the love of God. I was no longer had a fear that anything can go wrong, because I knew I had a Father in heaven that cares for me. I was no longer obsessed with pleasing and being liked by everyone, because I knew the one who died for me loves me unconditionally.

About 2 years after getting saved, I worked full time with a ministry outreach team and some of my old tendencies was creeping into my Christian life. I was trying to be the perfect person in order to be accepted and loved by God, I got tricked into thinking I need to earn my salvation through good works and never making any mistakes. I always felt like I had to do more and never take a break or rest, I always felt like nothing I did was good enough, that I could have done more. One night I prayed to God and I asked Him for a sign that He still loves me, I asked Him to show me a specific car on the road, a Red VW Beetle, seeing that car will be a sign that He still loves me. It felt silly afterwards and I thought to myself I was being childish. Fast forward a few days later, I was on an outreach mission with the rest of the team and I was in a bad space mentally, we experienced a lot of issues on this missions trip. We had vehicle issues that caused us to be late, we had team members fall ill and not able to fulfill their duties, plus some other unforeseen circumstances that put a lot of pressure on the mission. The biggest problem however was that I was absorbing all this pressure on my own, not praying or relying on God, not talking to my team about it, just taking all the pressure on myself, thinking I am the one who needs to take responsibility and resolve each and every situation. On day 5 of the mission trip, I had to wake up really early to prepare some things for the day. I remember feeling very heavy waking up, I didn't want to get up, everything that had to happen that day seemed impossible and it felt like all the responsibly rested on me. I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the office building on the premises we were staying. It was around 5am, the sun was just about rising. The person who I arranged with to unlock the office didn't show up. This caused me to feel even more anxious, because not only did I miss out on much needed sleep, I was now also behind schedule. I was so self centered, so lost in my own world that I forgot all I had in God, my Heavenly Father and my Church family. I felt alone and defeated in that moment, standing outside the locked door, I shouted in anger to God "Where are you?! I am all alone! I left my job and friends to serve you, and yet I feel so empty and lost, I do everything I can for you. I can't go on!" The next moment I hear God clearly speak to me, He asked me a question: "Johan, what are you hoping to achieve with your hard work? You already have eternal life". I was completely undone by those words, in that moment I realized that I was only performing so hard because I thought I needed to impress God, to earn His love and salvation. He reminded me with those words that I already have eternal life because of Jesus dying in my place and nothing else is more important than that. Once again I felt safe, I felt loved and I felt the weight of the stress and anxiety roll of my shoulders. To add the cherry on the cake, the next thing I heard was the sound of an old motor car engine, which was unusual because it was barely daybreak and we stayed in a location out of town. I looked up to the bridge and I saw a beautiful bright red vw beetle cruising along the road, passing right by me, and I remembered asking God for a sign that He loves me. This encounter with our loving father changed my life forever.

God is good and eternal life is a free gift, there is nothing I can do to earn it. It's incredible to have this assurance because of what Jesus did and there is nothing I can do to earn it. It gives me peace, it makes me experience God's unconditional love and helps me to love others and see them through His eyes.