My Personal Testimony

Before I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I was bound by depression and anxiety.

I remember thinking that I had reached a point of no return. My smile had vanished, and I could not remember who I was before dark depression and raging anxiety strangled the fragment of life left in me. I was ready to give up. My father served as Lead Pastor at our home church; therefore, I attended numerous church services and participated in various service projects, yet I was not following the God who my father and mother wholeheartedly served. I could play the role of “PK” quite well; however, in the quiet places of our home, panic attacks and counseling visits were the new normal. I remember coming to the end of myself, crying out to God for freedom and restoration.

Everything changed on one of those cliché days when I was serving in our children’s ministry. I encountered the abundant joy of the Lord when watching a group of elementary students worship God freely and confidently. Though, I was far older and more mature than these children, their faith and hope in Jesus encouraged my heart to dig deeper and encounter the God they so boldly praised. I remember closing my eyes in a dark sanctuary with tears streaming down my face and young children screaming the words to the worship music, confessing in a quiet whisper, "God, I want what these kids have. I have come to the end of myself, and I am tired of living in darkness. I surrender, You can have my heart." In that moment, something shifted in my spirit. A weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I felt a sense of relief.

I wish that I could tell you that I no longer struggle with depression and anxiety; however, that would be a lie. Nonetheless, I now confront these issues with an awakened soul and a new hope in Jesus Christ. I find tremendous comfort in the hands of my Savior, trusting that my life is under His control – the One who gave His life so I can find mine. The One who gave my life purpose.

What’s more, my relationship with Jesus has gifted me with a new perspective to see meaning in the suffering. For example, when I sit across the table from a young lady who is wounded by depression and anxiety, and feels as if giving up is the solution, I am able to empathize with her story and encourage her that in Jesus, there is fullness of life waiting to be received. I am reminded of the Scripture James 1:2, which reads, “Count it all joy, my brothers [and sisters], when you meet trials of various kinds.” Joy is telling someone that their story has not ended. Joy is sharing your hardships with a smile because those hardships led you closer to the Creator. Joy is Jesus, and He is mine.

I praise Him because He saved me at my darkest hour, and offered me a seat at His table. I praise Him for life’s challenges, for they have only brought me closer to His heart. I praise Him for the gift of abundant life. And I praise Jesus Christ for eternal life, and the promise that I will one day be with Him in heaven.