My personal journey through faith

I'm not a super religious person but what I think we are suggested to do is keep your faith in God and believe in him if you lose your way your alive that is just God's way of saying you know what your capable of now I lost all faith in God if I'm being honest I started to think of ways it could be fake or unreal but the fact of the matter is that time of my life I was scared of death and what would happen to me it felt like I was literally fighting demons I would be up out of nowhere at like 2 to 3 am to then realize I am in the room punching the wall I had no family or friends never the less it didn't matter you can have no connection with family nor friends and keep your mind on the Lord when you fear there are demons I remember this one saying I heard if something terrifies you to death that's the right moment to do something about it so I did and what I experience is that just because you smoke weed or vapes or your bi ,gay, straight it doesn't matter when your face to face with the big G I don't think the Lord and savior of all mankind is gonna discriminate on what you smoked or what substance you have used but how it was used and for what reason and if you are able to back to the Lord after losing him on drugs or something you thought he may not like just remember marijuana was used long before it was illegal and the in my own personal opinion the religion today is edited and blastfamous but this is just my personal opinion and experience amen

I remember after I graduated highschool I got a cross tattoo on my arm now I lost faith in the Lord after losing connections with all of family and friend except one my mother for a long time I had started to think of it as a hoax or a type of joke but in all reality weather you have the belief that a human is as God is us and we are him so realized I don't have to get on my knees and scream out my sins to pray and from then on I put my head up or down I clear my head and I pray with the voice in my head for why do I need to tell nor confess to a Christian priest or pope if the fact is I have no reason to believe what Christians say or do I can choose to believe in the message of Jesus H Christ and let them without sin cast the first stone and that is the reason why I pray between me and God only I don't think it is meant to be a religion of believe this or be hurt or dammed for all eternity I have excepted what death means and that it is a part of life just like walking eating or drinking and I like to think of it as I think of the words as if I was talking to him and the way I find out if he got it is something will happen either I will get a really light feeling in my back and chest as if a weight is gone and if I do in a comfortable complete mindset I feel good if you know you did something wrong you can imagine a conversation with God as if he was there but couldn't hear you at one point or the other you will understand that you either went through what you asked for he will test your strength so you can discover yourself and your faith in him or you will see an actual result of something you asked for it is a lot to read but if you did thank you for doing so I just wrote this to let people know how you can lose faith completely but it cant escape

While I apologize I cannot say for certain I have done things you would consider blastfamous but the way I see it you have a choice to believe what Jesus has become or the message he sent most of wich would say we are all one in God so while I cannot say for absolutely certainty as no one can I believe in the message of Jesus Christ the the person the made him