My peace I give to you. Not peace that the world gives

I am glad I have eternal life because I know I am never alone. Knowing God is always with me gives me inner peace and strength to keep living, while trusting God's plan.

I recall a moment in my life when I felt all alone. Everything around me was falling apart. My marriage was on the rocks, I was going through a prolonged miscarriage, my children were being very disobedient, and I was in a new state thousands of miles away from my mother and father. It was rough for me. Every night after I would put the kids to sleep, I would lay in bed and cry myself to sleep. I was raised in church so I knew the God of my parents the God of my grandparents. But what was I supposed to do. I was alone, I felt alone in a very dark place in my life which only showed up at night when the kids were sleep. I began drinking and smoking almost every night just to ease some of the pain. I use to call my mother or mother in law to talk to them but then one night they didn’t answer. At times I would lock myself in the bathroom stick a towel in my mouth and burn myself with a lighter or cut myself with a blade and scream into the towel. All this was an attempt to escape the inner pain of being alone, but it was never fulfilling. One night as I was lying in bed, I begin crying but I begin to pray in my heart the pain I felt. This repeated over several nights and the pain started to lift ever so slowly. I stopped calling my mother and mother in law and would pray myself to sleep from night to night. I didn’t know it at the time but peace began to overtake my life. I no longer worried about my situation but I began praying to this God who I was always told hears me. My prayer at night turned into prayers during the day and then to prayers throughout various times of the day. Although I heard nothing in return I recall feeling lighter when I would tell Him all about my feelings, and the peace after because I believed He heard me. When I lived with my parents I remember the pastors they were under saying you must trust God even if you can’t trace Him. So I begin to do that, and for first time in entire life I was free. Free to live the rest of my life secure.

This same inner peace, strength, security and freedom God gave me in this situation is something I can say I experience on a daily basis. I am free to live the rest of my life secure in Him. I know without a doubt that God is always with me and that this security lasts forever into eternity.