My (messy and somewhat scarring) testimony

I'm happy I have eternal life and a relationship with Jesus, he has brought me hope, forgiveness and so much more.

It started in Vermont, I was very little and me and my family lived in a trailer park where we got yelled at my a drunken man ( Mom practically bit his head off later) our "friends" stole their parents drugs, and we caught lice from our neighbor and many other adventures but the one I recall most was when my so called friend came to visit, her name was Christy and one day (I was five by the way) she wanted to play "house" when she told me she was her mom and I was her moms boyfriend. I don't want to go into it as it is traumatizing but I believe if my other friend Natalie hadn't found us something much worse could have transpired. I only got a taste of what others go through but it is enough for me, because of her I have had trust issus with other girls and women. I feel uncomfortable being alone with them, then when we moved down here everyone was so nice and polite that I let my guard down, I befriended a boy named Colten. He seemed like he was my friend but he acted very strange he would watch me when ever I was outside and he lied to me all the time, he had this little dog who was abused my them and half of his weight were flees and we fell in love with the little guy, one day he told me that the poor dog had gone out on the road and been hit by a car, now this was right after OUR dog had been hit so it hit me hard. The very next day I saw him running around with the same dog, I haven't talked to time since. He asked my dad for my number but I hadn't gotten phone yet so I dodged that bullet. I have since then encountered many friends who have used me, ignored me belittled me, and I now have a hard time trusting anyone. I have severe depression, anxiety, and every day I have to fight for the self esteem that I have. I have forgiven the people who have wronged me but I still struggle.

The day I read "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldridge I knew that I didn't need to be afraid anymore, God and I are going through everything together and I am getting better, my mom has seen into getting me therapy but I know that no matter what God is by my side.