My Life Testimony

*Before I met Jesus, my life before was filled with emptiness with no purpose. I was like a dead woman walking the path of my life. I honestly didn’t know what to do with my life anymore. *Before meeting Jesus, I’ve always had a feeling that something was missing when I go off chasing and praying to the wrong saints and gods. No matter how much I prayed for and gave offerings. *Before meeting Jesus in my life, I was suffering from the addiction of alcohol. *Before meeting Jesus, I suffered from severe depression and anxiety all the time. I remember developing panic attacks. I used to have them as a little girl and they resurfaced again the year of 2024 again. *Before meeting Jesus, I struggled with insecurity and low self esteem because I was bullied when I was in 5th grade all the way to 7th grade. *Before meeting Jesus, I was suicidal for many years. I had thoughts of ending my life and almost committing it many times.

I’m not new to the idea of being insecure and having low self esteem issues so I know how it feels to be worthless in your life and not being capable to do anything you want to achieve. I remember meeting the enemy in 5th grade when I was 10 years old. It was with a group of girls who bullied the majority of the kids in my class. We were all kids but even I as a kid learned how it is to live in fear everyday and every night. This nightmare lasted for over 3 years that consisted of bullying, sexual harassment, threatened and becoming a slave to fear. I remember one of the most vivid memories I have is the guy who sexually harassed me in 7th grade who called me, “his slave” while he was touching me inappropriately. During the times of low self esteem and insecurity were times where I never once said good things about myself and often compared myself to other girls. I stopped doing activities in school I wanted to join such as theater, dance and cheerleading. The fear got the best of me even to the last activity in school that was left and that was art. I once was a girl who loved trying new things but slowly crumbled to the thought of, “Nah, I’m not good enough” or “What if I don’t make it?” or the most common one, “I don’t want people to bully me anymore”. These were times that led me to many years of trauma over the fear of people. The idea of suicide came a lot to my head. I remember my mom picking me up from school and my head resting along my car’s window. I looked up to the sky and wished for it all to end. The pain and suffering I was going through. She would always ask me, “How was school?.” and I wished that my 12 year old self told her everything that was going on in school. But I didn’t. There were this one time that I was about to commit suicide. I remember that I turned off the lights and I was in my bathtub laying down. I then used both of my hands to strangle my neck and I do remember seeing patches of darkness. My life was going out within my eyes. At around the age of 15-16, my parents were going through a divorce. It really did feel like my life was being pulled apart in all directions. I was filled with guilt and shame when I had to choose who I was going to stay with. With my mom or my dad. I loved them both and I couldn’t choose. At that time I didn’t know why it was happening. All of the mess that I was going through. When it came to friendships and relationships, I was inexperienced and naive to realize how important boundaries and basic relationship standards were important. I have gained and lost friendships and relationships throughout my entire life. The last friendship I had lasted 8 years ending in which I defended myself, the only time I actually did. And my friend got upset over it and the friendship ended in an ignore and block for the rest of my life. It built a lot of resentment and loneliness in my heart that my expectations to build a relationship with someone lowered. Instead of connecting and socializing with people, I developed social anxiety afterwards. My overall health was pretty good though one year after high school in the year 2020, I was suffering from hormone imbalance. This affected my mood where I would be happy then sad then mad then again happy. Shifting mood swings was common for me. My menstrual cycle would be irregular that I went anemic because there'd be periods in which I would bleed heavily for weeks. I also suffered from acne that caused irritation and itchiness in my face. I would go to a gynecologist in the year 2021 who told me that I wouldn’t be able to have a normal life and wouldn’t be able to conceive children. This bad news brought grief to me even though I didn’t lose someone in the moment, I experienced grief because the opportunity to have children in the future was taken away from me. Have you had that feeling when you eat a meal and it doesn’t fill you up?. No matter how many times you order the same meal over and over again each time it doesn’t and cannot fill you up. That was the same feeling I had when I was chasing after St. Jude, one of the saints in the Catholic Church. My whole life I was a Catholic though not going to masses nor anything like that. I would just go to the altar of the saint, give my offering and light up a candle for him. My family and I were big believers in him that he was able to do miracles and heal us. We thought we saw the miracles and stuff but it didn’t feel right. I’ve always had a feeling that something was missing when I go off chasing and praying to the wrong saints and gods. No matter how much I prayed for and gave offerings to. As I grew up, at around the age of 21 I was involved in an absent and toxic relationship that I felt myself being devoured by this black hole. After leaving the relationship, my life was filled with emptiness with no purpose. I was like a dead woman walking the path of my life. I honestly didn’t know what to do with my life anymore. Before I wouldn’t drink so much but the aftermath of getting out of the relationship is that I became addicted to alcohol. I remember getting upset if I didn’t drink when I wanted to. I drank in the mornings when I woke up, at lunch, and late at night. I drowned myself in alcohol. Aside from suffering from alcohol addiction, I became severely depressed and anxious. My panic attacks resurfaced when I used to have them as a little girl. I remember one time I almost passed out due to the intensity of the panic attack after I was involved in a minor car accident. Anytime I was driving, I would get these panic attacks even when nothing happened.

The change that God brought to my life with his mighty hand and Jesus saving me after each time the enemy was destroying my life was phenomenal. God didn’t make a fuss or a long mess in my life, he brought mercy and grace in a short and fast manner. Looking back at each season I went through, I realized God never left my side. After going through bullying, I was heading to 8th grade and I was scared of going back to school. Out of the blue, my parents tell me that I’m being placed in a Christian charter school called Vanguard Academy. Right away in a snap of God’s fingers I was saved from ever being bullied again. When I was about to commit suicide in my bathtub at the age of 12, I remember hearing the voice of God telling me, “Don’t do it. Please don’t do it.” Afterwards, I got up crying and stopped hurting myself. Even without knowing much about Jesus at that time, he saved me from taking my life away. When my parents were going through the divorce, I really thought there was no way of turning back time. But my mom told me the story of the day that my dad and her were going to sign the papers in the court. God intervened and both refused to sign the papers. My parents didn’t divorce after all and they’ve been together for the past 24 years and counting. After going through the black hole phase in my life when I was 21, I remember that I would be in bed all the time. My bed was next to my window and one night I felt the presence of Jesus behind me hugging me. I never felt such a peaceful and comforting presence before. Afterwards I went to therapy and my therapist and my parents introduced me to Jesus with more details of him. I wanted to know more about him so I started watching videos of Jesus and looking up Bible verses online because I didn’t have a Bible at that time. The new year of 2024 came around and I was introduced to a Christian church called Cross church which is now my home church from now on. I absolutely loved hearing about Jesus that he healed me from my anxiety, depression, and my hormonal imbalance within one hour that I went to another church that was dedicated to healing. I repented for all my sins that I’ve done throughout my entire life. Each one. And forgiving all the people who hurt me brought me closer to God than never before. I got baptized in March 2024 and I recovered from drinking alcohol that I completely stopped. All of this happened so fast if only I knew more about God before.

Now that I have eternal life, I am absolutely in love with life and filled with joy.

Yes, I do experience the ups and downs of life. But I don’t have the enemy anymore to tell me how my life has to be in misery all the time. I have God, my creator, to redirect me to the path of light and wisdom through the wilderness of this world. And it couldn’t get any better knowing that I have God to always guide me through his living words, aka the Bible. I have one positive outcome of having Christ as my firm foundation. During my journey of learning about Christ, I was a baby Christian, still am but I am now a toddler Christian haha. At the beginning of the year of 2024, I met and dated a Christian man who actually introduced me to my home church, Cross church. To make the long and messy story short, I got engaged with him and had to break off the engagement as he was straying me away from God, involving me in all the sins you can name, and turning me away from my family. A lot of that within 3 months and after I broke up with him, my parents feared that I was going to end up like my last relationship. But because I had Christ with me all the way, I didn’t fall. Rather I rose up from where I was at and continued moving forward stronger with Jesus. Now it’s been 3 months without my ex-fiancee in my life and I have been loving life and Jesus so much now.

I don’t need the world to tell me that I don’t need Him in my life because I know my Father up in Heaven. I don’t need the unbelievers and the atheists to tell me how much God is not real because I know my Father up in Heaven. I don’t need the false prophets, the hypocrites, and the predators to tell me that God does not care about you or me because I know my Father up in Heaven. I don’t need the enemy to tell me the lies and blasphemy against God because I know that Jesus Christ is my Firm Foundation, my Rock, my Savior, and the King of all Kings. I can die right now and I know I will go up in Heaven and meet God in eternal life.