My life story that isn't over yet

Before I accepted Christ I always felt like I was unlovable.

My mother told me that i was a product of her trying to save the marriage that she had to my father however that didn't last long since they were divorced when i was 6 months old. From then and until I was 14 years old I was physically and verbally abused by my stepfather. This culminated when my he pulled a pistol on me in the middle of our living room in front of my whole family and to this day they act like nothing happened. I unlovable by the members of my family since no one stood up to protect me. This pain I bottled up and would use it as justification for my actions. My actions would be those like finding my identify in what others thought of me and relationships with women. Saying that since I had been hurt it was ok for me to hurt others.

A mentor in college spent a lot of time with me articulating that my actions were not loved by God, that they actually separated me from him, however I was extremely loved by God and that is why he sent his son to die for me.

Now that I have eternal life I have the understanding that I am loved by a Father who will never abandon me.

I have been disappointed and hurt many times from the time I accepted Christ I have dealt with it in drastically different ways. Instead of using this pain to justify me hurting or using others to make myself feel better I have turned to the Lord for his help. This has come through the men he has placed in my life or through my loving wife. However, I don't always do this and when that happens I go to them and their forgiveness.

As I continue to grow in trusting God there is one thing I can trust, because of his love for me and me accepting the gift of eternal life through his son's life and death on the cross for the punishment of my sin I will be in heaven when I die.