My experience of God’s goodness.

Before I received the gift of eternal life, I was careless and cruel.

I was in the military and a member of a Unit that taught me how to deceive, kill and had led me to be cruel. Indulging in drinking, smoking, and womanizing, even after learning the military and having been married on November 18, 2000. We had no children but 4 dogs which we treated as our children and so we oftentimes referred to them as “the kids”. My wife of 18 years and 7 months suddenly died on July 21, 2019 and I attempted suicide by gun one Friday night after Nadine’s (Nadz) passing. After sitting back into the couch with the gun in my hand, I heard a voice clearly asking me: “So when you do that, who is going to take care of them?” (Referring to the 4 dogs Nadz and I had raised). I remember the gun falling from my hand which went limp and I saw the kids sitting quietly at the front door and looking at me intently and I cried and cried. I bawled. One Saturday morning while hanging out the laundry to dry in the backyard, I found myself on my knees in the backyard bawling loudly and asking God to help me carry on. I literally experienced a calmness, quietness and peace inside of me, a feeling I never experienced before and it was a different feeling of peace and comfort. My way of thinking, doing things and speaking had changed each day after that. God claimed me. He held me. He knew me.

Before my wife passed and on one of my vacations to visit my sister in the USA, I decided to go to church with her after declining many prior invitations. I began to follow the teachings even by streaming the worship service online whenever I am back home in Jamaica.

God’s grace and teachings changed my way of life during my marriage. I have been a child of God since March 1, 2020; when I made a public declaration of water baptism. This was after my wife of 18 years and 7 months sudden death on July 21, 2019.

I was given God’s gift of grace, forgiveness and peace. I learned and continue to learn about the life God made us to live. A life of kindness, forgiveness and love, while always giving thanks and taking nothing for granted. I wake up each day with gratitude for God’s grace, remembering always that I can do absolutely nothing and I am nothing without Him.

If I should die right now and am asked by my God if I am deserving of living in His house forever, my answer would be that I am deserving of nothing but His grace; because it is not by good works we do and no one can earn God’s mercy, kindness and forgiveness, as none is perfect and without sin. Only God is perfect without sin. Hallelujah! Thanks be to God.