Lost but Found in Him

Before I received eternal life, I have no purpose, no hope, no directions. I l felt hurt and being abandoned, unloved.

I was raised by my grandma who had strong Buddhist faith. My grandma is a good person, so I thought I can believe in Buddhism as it teaches good works. One summer break, I went back my parent home to visit my sister, she shared Jesus with me. Before entering the house, we saw a brochure placed on the door. It indicated the movie of Christ would be played at night. It was just about the right time. We watched the movie together, I cried. Growing up from a broke family, I felt hurt and being abandoned. One New Year Eve, I was hit by a taxi, my grandma tried to find my dad and mom, but she could not find them. I look strong but indeed I was vulnerable. After graduated, I stayed at a girl friend's place. One day, she told me she liked me, I was shock but I appreciated her love. We stayed together for 4 years, but I became more negative. We always complained works, smoked and drunk together. Then I met a married man at work. I went from one relationship to another other. He grew up in church but was an atheist. One day, when he was out, I took his bible and I saw this verse: "Proverbs 5:18 May your fountain be blessed,and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 20 My son, why should you be carried away with a sinful woman and fall into the arms of a strange woman?" When I decided to leave him, I found I got denied on the green card application which I waited for many years. Because I was working in United State for many years already, Most likely, I may not reapply the green card again by law. When I left from the lawyer office and drove back home, I could not control myself to cry hard. It was a rainy day, my tears and rain block my sight. I complained to God why He brought me to the world. I tried very hard already. I emailed to the IT consultant whom I worked with. I told him I never need to deal with his pride again. He just responded me with this verse: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.(Proverbs 3:5-6)" God use a man whom I see as prideful to tell me "Trust in Lord". After that, I decided to go church. My burden felt lighter with church people. They prayed for me. God allow me to reapplied green card. I spent almost all of my saving at that time. I need a total of US $9000 to reapply the green card. That year, I got a pay check with bonus over ten thousand. In Easter 2007, I baptized under the name of Jesus Christ. However, I still live the same life style. I was wrestled between the lust & God.

However I was so amazed that through bible study with a sister in Christ, I felt joy & peace. God Word takes me out my bondage of sins. In one Saturday afternoon, I read Gospel of John, I felt heartache. I felt the real pain that Jesus was beaten, betrayed. How could He take all these? I thought his heart must be bleeding. I always felt bleeding heart, growing up from childhood. I felt overwhelming love. Even though I was abandon by everyone, God love and care me in personal level. I always felt I was unclean, but by recognizing I am a daughter of God, I know I am loved and precious. He took away my shame, forever!

Nothing should boast in my story. It is not of works, it is by God's mercy. I once was lost, but was found. Now, I have hope, purpose and direction of life.

1 Corinthians 9:26 Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air.

“Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.” ??II Timothy? ?1?:?8?-?10?, ?12? ?