Lost and Confused!!!!

I can remember at one point in my life, I was on fire for God, being in youth leadership and leading others to Christ.

I can remember my dad being the solid rock in our family always praying and taking us to church. Always praying for us. I even went to school to become a youth pastor. I wanted to follow in my dads footsteps. He witnessed to people even up to his death. With one simple marble story.. And I try and keep that true today even though, I am very angry at God and even questioning if he even exists at this point. In 2012 I lost my dad tragically due to a massive heart attack. And since his passing, almost every member of my family has taken the "Christian" mask off. My mother, sister, niece, and nephews now say they do not believe in Heaven, hell, Jesus, or the devil. I am the only one and now I am even questionioning. Because of his death, that has put a strain on my own life because not only did I loose him, I broke all contact with them as well and my daughters are confused. So they have done everything possible to get out of my home to go and be with them. And it has worked. So now I have lost them as well. So now, I have lost everyone that I have ever loved. Because of my faith. I lost my daughter last week due to cps, due to my faith and my beliefs. And the judge awarded my own sister custoday.. Now why would God allow so much pain after I have prayed so hard. Over thousands have prayed so hard... I lost someone that I fought so hard to keep. She almost died in birth, she was almost kidnapped, I had to fight for her in my divorce from her real dad, and now, she is being taken from me again. I have lost everything........... How can God do that to me??? And why would he allow that to happen to me??

I dont know, I am really unsure!! I thought I knew before but I am even having doubts.. I am the president and founder of a womens ministry with 4600 women.. And I don't even know if its true anymore......