Lifted up from Rock Bottom

I was raised agnostic, with no solid set of morals.

After briefly attending a Christian church (at the age of 18) with a stupid boy who had proposed to me, and that relationship subsequently ending, I decided that either God didn't exist, or he was a jerk and I didn't want anything to do with Him. Then, due to a crippling depression, I started to participate in a lot of self destructive behaviors. I moved out on my own, drank, did drugs, and had casual sex. I had zero self respect.

Well, as should have been expected,( I put myself into enough terrible and dangerous situations) I was raped by a guy who lived in my building. Was it my fault? Possibly. I let him in. I drank alcohol. He was drunk too ... Then, surprise, I'm pregnant. I told him and he literally disappeared. I was alone and knocked up. I moved back home and applied for a job with healthcare. While waiting for that to come through, I worked retail at the mall, seven months pregnant. That's when it happened. I heard the job with healthcare was taken. Then management changed and I was let go from my retail job (most likely because I was pregnant). After getting fired, I walked to my tiny dodge neon, got in, and started crying. For a long time I sobbed in that parking garage. I got myself together enough to drive home. At home, I looked at my situation. I'm pregnant, alone, unemployed, broke, no healthcare, living in my mom's attic, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. That's when I broke down. I crawled into bed and cried and sobbed and I remember my prayer. "God, I cannot do this on my own. I need your help." Then I suddenly felt a warm calming force envelop me. It was like a giant cosmic hug, and it comforted me so much I fell asleep. After that moment, everything changed.

Within a couple of days another position opened with the good company, I got interviewed and hired. Praise God! A good job!. Then the best part of the story:

On my first day at my new job, I had an amazing experience. I walked into the break room and there was a man sitting at a table, and it was liked I recognized him. I heard my voice in my head say, "Omg, that is my husband."... Then, BOOM, I was hit with a kind of electric current that started in my shoulders and then traveled through my body to my finger tips and toes. It was so unbelievably powerful that I had an adrenaline dump and nearly passed out. I didn't love him at first sight, but I KNEW that he was going to be my husband. One year later, he was. He loves my daughter like his own. We've been married for 15 years now, and have two more children. I was unbelievably blessed. God knew I was so wounded that I would never have trusted a man again without that direct sign.

My amazing experiences have taught me that, even though I was/am a low and dirty sinner, even though I denied Him, He was there to forgive me and take me into His grace and show me the mercy that I didn't deserve. I know His love is personal for each of us, and His forgiveness is real. I will never take for granted the blessings that I have. And, I know a God with a love that strong would never leave me or forsake me, so I know that someday He will welcome me into Heaven.