Learning to Let Go, and Let God Guide me

Before I received eternal life I was full of insecurity, anxiety and the need to feel like I was in control of it all.

I remember when there was a point in my life where I had to have everything written on a list for me, for my kids, for my husband. I knew what we were going to do and how I was going to make that happen. But this made me so aggressive, and controlling that my marriage began to fail. I no longer treated my husband as my partner but more like a subordinate. My kids had to walk on egg shells with me. When things went "not my way" and my finances, failed, my marriage, failed, my self esteem failed. I felt like a failure, like I was worth nothing, and I couldn't understand why my husband desired someone else, why my kids didn't like me, and why after all this hard work, I was getting no where fast. I worked full time, was a mom, tried to tell my husband what to do, and one day I found out that my husband was seeking solitude with someone else, and I was broken.

I decided to go to church with my sister in law one Sunday and that's when I discovered that I could have eternal life, and I wanted it.

Now that I have eternal life I no longer need to control my destiny or my families. I have been able to forgive truly, and live by grace.

About a year after my husbands infidelity I found myself sitting with him, sharing. I realized in that moment I no longer wanted to make him do things, I wanted to follow him, and let him lead me. I had no bitterness, or resentment, I had complete trust in him, which I hadn't had for so many years. I was happy to not know what tomorrow may bring, and excited to take whatever path God laid out for me. It felt like a huge weight was lifted from me, and I could now breath again.

The best feeling of all is knowing that the grace and forgiveness that I had been able to show to my husband, and that healed our marriage was only possible because of the grace and forgiveness that God had shown to me when his son died for my eternal life. That I accept fully his grace even though I don't deserve it, and I know that because of that grace, that sacrifice, that love, I will be with God in Heaven.