Joy in Grief

I'm glad I have eternal life because I know God is always with me and is shown me patience and his unconditional love taught me how to be content and trust in His plan.

I became a follower of Christ at a young age and grew up going to church and hearing who Jesus was but not completely understanding. In 2014, a co-worker asked if I would like to participate in a small group where we read the Bible in one year. I thought I was a great idea, because I had never really read the Bible past the first 3 chapters of Genesis and felt that if I am going to say I follow Christ, I should really make sure I believe what is said in the Bible. As I read through the Bible that year also became one of the most trying years for me because my grandfather died. He was the only grandfather I had and was everything to me. He got sick the year before with a brain tumor. Doctors did treatment and it seems like he would be okay but things took a turn. It came to a point that my grandmother could not care for him by herself and he was placed in a nursing home. It hurt me to see him like that because he was a farmer and loved being outside working. He was always positive and had trust in God no matter how what he was going through even when he became sick. The day he passed, my dad and brothers picked me up from work. We went to a small gathering with family and afterwards, my dad dropped me off at work to pick my car so I could drive home. I cried out of sadness during the small gathering, but when I got in my car, I cried even harder. It wasn't because I was grieving as much as it was because of how joyful I was. I found myself thanking God. I was thanking God because I knew my grandfather was no longer in pain but I was also thanking God for allowing a man like my grandfather to be a part of my life. I truly believe my reaction of praise, was because I reading the Bible that year. I was understanding who God was and believed every word. I can't say if my reaction to my grandfather's death would have been the same if I wasn't reading through the Bible at that time but I believe so. I truly believe God knew because of my love for my grandfather, that I would need to be in the process of learning who Jesus was and understanding God's love. In 2007, one of my grandmother's (dad's mom) died. It was the first serious loss in my life. I knew God then but was very broken from her death and wasn't anywhere close to praising God. My perspective since has changed.

By the end of that year, when I finished the Bible, I realized two things: I believe every word and can truly say I am a follower of Christ and God is intentional. Psalms 139 explains how God knows us, how He's known us even before we were in our mother's womb. I have no doubt in 2014 God knew what I needed. He had that co-worker come to me and ask me to join in reading through the Bible. God knew I would need him in that moment of losing my grandfather. The story God has written for me; I may not know where it's going or how it ends, but when I look back, I see how those moments of grief, anger, and sadness, were intentional moments that has brought joy and happiness, I love God even more. And I know how loved I am by Him.