It is Finished

Before I came to know Jesus, I oscillated between religiosity and apathy, both of which were unfulfilling and led to a lot of frustration and confusion. Those were the two main things which characterized my spiritual life: frustration and confusion. I hid it well. After all, I was a "Christian," and "Christians" have it all put together.

It was a pattern of life with me. I'd come home from church knowing what I needed to do: I needed more faith, or I needed to stop putting off my Bible reading. But my heart wasn't in it. Even by the time we got home from church my enthusiasm would wane. From time to time I'd catch waves of enthusiasm, but mostly I would half-heartedly go through the motions hoping that somewhere I'd happen to bump into some joy. There was a season when I must have "asked Jesus into my heart" at least once a week--thinking that I must not have had enough faith last time, or something, because it obviously hadn't worked. I remember sitting on my bed, in the middle of the night, tears streaming down my face, feeling utterly alone and asking God why it wasn't working! I was doing all I knew how to do. I felt rejected or forgotten by God. I thought, "God just must not want me." So I blamed Him, but I was also plagued by a vague sense of guilt because I knew that whatever the problem was, it must be my problem. God doesn't have problems.

That night, as I was on the brink of throwing it all away and giving up, Christ's words on the cross suddenly rang in my ears: "It is Finished." I realized that I was not believing those words. I was focused on my day to day performance and how I was feeling, not Jesus' finished work on the cross. I suddenly knew that everything necessary for my salvation was already done for me. Forgiveness did not depend on me, but on Him. Jesus did it! There's nothing left for me to do but to believe it!

This birthed in me a real love for God that I hadn't known before. For the first time, I was able rest in God as my Father, instead of working for God as my Judge. And when I feel far from God or empty, or when I become afraid that my faith is not genuine, I ask myself, "Am I trusting in the finished work of Jesus? Or my own sense of my righteousness (or the lack thereof)?"

The Bible has become very important to me. It's my lifeline. Because God is teaching me to rely less and less on me and more on Him, I need His word. His word contains all His promises to us that were bought and paid for on the cross. Such as Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." Can you believe that? God sings over me! God used that verse recently, through a friend of mine, to help me out of a season of emptiness. Yes, I still go through many times when I feel far from God and lost, but I have never known that same level of frustration and helplessness again. Because I know that, no matter how empty I feel, if I can hold onto the cross with a single thread of trust, all that I need is there. It is done. Finished. There is no better proof of God's love and faithfulness to me than that.

And because everything depends, not on me, but on the One who cannot fail, I can have absolute confidence that my fate is secure. I put my life in His hands. I know that I will one day see the One my soul loves, and live with him forever.