I thank God for not giving up on me

Loneliness and fear of death characterized my life right before I received eternal life.

I was born and raised in a small town in Malaysia, a world far different from the world most Americans experienced growing up. I would not say my life was empty as a kid growing up in that small town. I was the youngest of five in my family. We were not well to do, but my parents provided love and what we needed growing up and more importantly taught us to stay and do well in school. I also had friends and lots of cousins some of whom were a lot older than me. Growing up I always feel that God was knocking on my door, gently. I have an older cousin who is a Christian who took us to church, especially during Christmas. My dad sent me to a missionary school during my middle school not because of the faith (in fact my family is Buddhist / Toaist) but because he wanted me to learn English. I have a lot of friends in that school who are Catholics, and there is also a beautiful chapel in my school. Again, I see that as God slowly opening my mind to the "Christian" faith. I was in the missionary school for 5 years. And then I had an opportunity to study in Singapore. It was a very busy two years, but one thing in particular left a deep impression on me. I have always been interested in singing and so I joined the choir in that school. I remembered during the December holiday (we had 2 months off) when everyone else went home for the holiday the choir group stayed back in school to practice Christmas carols as the choir had an engagement to sing at a prominent hotel in Singapore. The choir director was also an evengelical Christian, and she took particular care of me as I was a foreigner in Singapore and my family was in Malaysia. Again, through this experience, and the songs that we sung our heart out, I thought God was again opening my mind and heart to him.

Upon finishing school in Singapore I was admitted to a college in Boston. Coming to Boston was the first time I flown. I had no friends, family and knowledge of the Western culture prior to coming here. Needless to say the first year was really tough. In fact I would consider all 4 years to be quite tough being separated from my family, friends and environment that I'm familiar with. Loneliness and isolation was breaking me down. At one point I also thought I was dying because of some of the foolish / sinful things I had done in the past. Loneliness, isolation, and the thought of death was causing depression on me. On the other hands God had placed numerous individuals in my life to help me get out of this seemingly hopeless situation. One day I finally confessed to one of them I needed Jesus to draw me out of the dark place I was in. He prayed with me, and gave me a bible. That was July 13, 1991.

While I struggled with my faith, bumping up and down since that day, the time around that particular day (that summer) is what I would consider the turning point and the acceptance of Jesus into my life. The rest is history - I did not die, I graduated from college, worked, got married, had children and here I am.

I am still a struggling Christian by many accounts, sharing my faith and being obedient to live my life for God's glory and fulfill His purposes for me being the primary ones, but I will keep trying. God has been faithful to me and has blessed me with many good things. I need to reciprocate and I pray that He will help me do that.

Heaven is where I can finally see Jesus, face to face. Heaven is also where autism will no longer prevent my son from telling me a life time of stories that he could not do today.