I have His Peace, Hope and undeserved Blessings even in my chaos

I have His Peace, Hope and undeserved Blessings even in my chaos.

My life has been completely altered from the plan I had in mind. I was a happily married homemaker for 26 years. I have 5 children, 3 of whom were adopted through foster care. These 3 children were part of a large sibling group who had a lot of trauma, abuse and abandonment in their history. My husband and I owned rental property and a small farm. I mostly took care of the kids, the home, farm and rental property management while my husband worked at a "real" job. My husband gave me sweet romantic gifts and planned great vacations. We rarely argued. He was not abusive or hurtful to me. I was happy with our marriage. I believe I was a good wife. To outsiders, we probably looked like the perfect family. In reality, we were not managing our money or family well. I managed my life sometimes according to what people might think instead of what was right. My adult children were making choices that concerned us for them and our grand kids. Our adopted children had a lot of behavior issues due to their past. Our life was stressful. But I thought my marriage was good, that were a team and in it to succeed and grow old together. We talked about retirement, traveling and spending time with our family. Things changed forever when my husband left me for another woman. I was left with 2 mortgages, a business/home in disrepair, 3 hurt and rebelling teens and was caring for my 2 grandchildren alone. I lost my dreams, my health/life insurance, my retirement plan, my life/business/parenting partner. I was heartbroken and lost. We had gone to church regularly, and I had prayed for salvation, but we had not been in a relationship with Jesus. Now my kids refused to go to church. I felt like a hypocrite when I was in church. I did not want to be alone. I started husband shopping. I was convinced that I could fix men who weren't Christian or not wanting to be married by showing them I was a great wife without requiring any commitment from them. I threw myself into showing people I was strong and how wrong my husband was for leaving. My family was in chaos, kids were rebelling, using drugs, in trouble with the law...We had multiple encounters with DSS. I got restraining orders, called the cops on and had my children involuntarily committed. We dealt with DJJ and multiple court dates. I made many mistakes and would liked to have handled many things differently. Through all of this, God kept me and my kids/grand kids safe. He provided undeserved miracle after miracle. There have been survived overdoses; prison sentences avoided; grand children who were exposed to abuse, drugs and alcohol in the womb were born healthy. My grands are not in DSS custody and the parents have retained rights. There have been recovery steps and some healed relationships. Abusive/unhealthy relationships have ended. I avoided marrying someone who was not in God's will for me. My financial, health and emotional needs continue to be met. I was able to sell a house that was in terrible condition for enough profit to become debt free and still keep one of our rental properties to live in. God had placed people in my life years before who were there for me through the worst years of my life. They helped me, prayed and cried with me. They did practical things like help with repairs and resources. They invited me to church and Bible studies. They didn't judge me at my worst. I started to see that my own choices were keeping me stuck and from a strong relationship with God. He offered Peace and Hope through the chaos my family is in. With His help, I stopped looking for comfort in dating. I stopped husband shopping. I forgave my ex and others who have hurt me. I asked forgiveness from my ex and my kids. I found a church where I am learning Biblical teaching. I make time for Bible study and prayer. I praise Him through the chaos that is still in my life. There are still broken relationships, problems with drugs/alcohol/abuse/anxiety/depression/anger/unforgiveness in my family. People I love are in places that break my heart. People I love are not in relationship with God. But because I am back in relationship with my Savior, I am able to show His Forgiveness. I have His Contentment and Peace, His Comfort and Joy through my chaos . I have His Peace beyond understanding because I know that there is Hope in Him! He is God! He loves me and my family. I have His Strength to keep on facing my fears because I have Faith and Trust in His plan! He has plans to prosper us and not harm us! It is in His hands and time, not mine. He has perfect timing. He collects our tears, and makes beauty from our ashes! He makes ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him! He has given me experiences and resources to help others who are in similar situations. He is my Strength and Refuge, my Hope, my Comforter! His Holy Spirit prays and intercedes for my when I don't have the words. So, I am putting my family into His hands and trusting Him in faith. I will depend on God to make me more like His image while I wait (maybe for a Godly husband :) and I will give Him all the praise and glory and honor for what He has and will do in my life and in the life of my family!

I can do this only through my trust and prayers in the mighty name and strength of Jesus!