How God changed me

Before I met Jesus, I didn't know who I was.

I searched my identity in LGBTQ+. For over a year when I was 15-16, I thought I was genderfluid/nonbinary (it was constantly changing but the key point is that I didn't identify with my biological gender) and that I was bisexual/pansexual. I wanted to change my appearance with piercings and tattoos, I wanted the brightest hair colors and gothic makeup. I was obsessed with looking different from who I was because I didn't like the way I looked. In reality, I barely wore makeup and I only dyed my hair twice, but it took over my brain and it felt like I couldn't be "who I actually was" because my parents would not allow me to do all those things.

Then my parents made me go to a church camp during the summer. I remember telling my friends at the time that I didn't look forward to it because "christians hate people that have a different sexuality and gender identity". But then, during the first evening of worship of that camp, I felt something change. I realised that I never did not believe, I always believed in God, I was just angry at Him for not accepting me the way I was. But I feel like a door opened during that time of worship. After that, there was a moment of prayer, where you could go to 2 camp leaders and let them pray for you. The main goal was that they would pray for you, they would listen to what God had to say to you and then they would tell you what God told them. So I went to 2 female church leaders, with a kind of sceptical mindset, and I decided to tell them nothing about myself. After praying, the first lady said: "I don't know you, but I feel like God is telling you that you're trying to be someone you're not. You're trying to be like other people but that's not who you are, you don't have to look at other people to find yourself." While she said that, I imagined all of the people that I followed online on TikTok and I realised that she was right: I followed people who were "different" (AKA, with a different sexuality/gender identity) and I was trying to be like them. The second lady told me that I was like a diamond and that I am unique just how every diamond is unique, and that I would one day reflect Gods light in the most beautiful way, just like a diamond. That moment was pivotal, even though I didn't completely surrender at that exact moment. There was a big change, I did realise that God did accept me for who I was and that the problem was that I didn't. I still felt uncomfortable in my gender, but I realised that maybe I wasn't who I thought I was.

I'm a new person now. I am free from the LGBTQ community.

I'm still scared to tell people this, because I'm scared of what they'll think of me. But I know that I can help people who struggle with the same, not to change their mind about LGBTQ but to change their mind about God, because I know how the LGBTQ mindset can affect the way you think about God, even when you don't want to admit it.

Even though I'm still insecure about the way I look, I know now that God made me in His image, and he made me exactly the way I'm supposed to be. He can and will continue to change me, so I can be whoever He wants me to be. And I know that the person that I'm supposed to be is the closest to who I actually am. My true identity is in Him.