God's daily sufficient grace

I grew up in church and came from a long line of church-going family. Although I came to salvation at the young age of 9, I do remember coming to a point where I realized that all of the Bible "stories" I'd grown up hearing were not stories at all. They were accounts of real-life, messy people; and the same saving grace that God offered to them was available to me.

It is safe to say that for many years, I operated almost in auto-pilot. I knew the Sunday school answers, prayed daily, and had a daily devotional. Many years later, however, after the birth of my third child, I walked through a very dark wilderness of depression. For the first time in my life, I felt like my prayers were hitting the ceiling. No matter how hard I prayed, screamed, pounded my fist - I wasn't hearing from God. In an effort to "make" God speak to me, I began to pour myself into Bible study - because my brain knew what my heart didn't - God speaks to us through His word. I read through the Bible, read books, listened to sermons, anything I could get my hands on. Looking back, I can clearly see this was God pruning me, creating a hunger and thirst for Him within me. One day while listening to a sermon series on the book of Mark, I heard a verse I don't ever remember hearing before: "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief" (9:24). At that moment, I had what I can only describe as a Damascus Road experience. My prayers no longer hit the ceiling. I no longer felt alone, unseen, unheard. God gently and lovingly spoke to me in that verse, reassuring me that He never left me, but had walked me through this wilderness in order to bring me out of the shallowness I had waded in for far too long, and into a deeper, more meaningful relationship with Him.

Since that day, God has continued to walk me through my doubts. The same grace that he offered to me at 9 years old is still available to me today. I have learned that God's mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23), and trusting His goodness and grace is a day-by-day walk, not a sprint. While there may still be days when those doubts creep in, God continually and gently reminds me that my eternity is secure with the One who holds me in His hand (John 10:28).