God's Comfort and Grace!

Before I received eternal life and came to know the saving knowledge of the cross, I was a pretty insecure girl. Growing up, I always strove for people's attention and it never did work well for me in the end. I was looking for happiness all in the wrong places - achievements, relationships and all the shallow pleasures the world has to offer. I thought these things will give me the satisfaction I was looking for. I thought these things could fill the very big void inside my heart.

I remember in high school, my peers really hated my guts for reasons I thought were really, really, shallow. I remember in 3rd year my classmates decided to have an open forum, thinking our bond as friends will be stronger if we will be honest with each other. But it seemed like the only person they want to be honest to is me. They stated reasons why they don't like about me, like the way i sneeze, my laugh, my constant burping, and my relationship with a guy back then. It was an all-out attack against me. And that is not an exaggeration. What hurt the most was it was the people whom i trusted were the persons who spearheaded this "open forum". It broke me. Then in our 4th year, my very first boyfriend broke up with me. It was really painful because i felt really, really used. My self-esteem plummeted ever since then. These events haunted me until I reached college. I chose the university I went into for college based on the fact that i would be able to avoid those people back in high school. I just want to get away. In college, I wanted to remake myself. To make a new reputation that even when the people back in high school would tell things about me, my new friends won't even believe them. I tried so hard and for awhile my efforts bore fruit. I was consistently in the dean's list, active in student organizations and quite popular in school. Then I started dating again, but my relationships were still toxic as it was in high school. I enjoyed all the attention and recognition. But i was still insecure. The void was still there. I can't pinpoint where and why I was still feeling that way but I just can't fill the void with all my achievements and the attention I was getting.

Then, proving God is really faithful, He started to act in my life in a way i never did expect. God started to break me. He took everything that I thought represented my worth and gave Himself in place of all these things. It wasn't easy. No. It was devastatingly painful. I cried sleepless nights. But it was during those times He revealed Himself to me and I accepted Him as the sovereign ruler of my life and the determiner of my worth.

Now that I have known Christ, I have found my worth in Him and feel loved more than ever that I no longer seek the temporary happiness conventional dating offers. I no longer seek the attention of the people around me because now I know my purpose is to please God alone. And every time I feel discouraged, worried and anxious, God never fails to remind me His promises in my life. Most importantly, because I have now eternal life, all of those things I lost in God's process of bringing me to Him and all the things the world is offering, seemed less in comparison to His free gift of eternal life. I have learned and am still learning to trust Him all the more.

I could remember graduating from college without honors. It was one of the most painful moments in my life. I felt robbed of something that "I" think I was deserving of. Feeling so down, I just felt to go down on my knees and talked to God in my quiet time. I decided to be honest to Him and poured out my disappointments. And our loving God comforted me thru Isaiah 49:4, reminding me that my reward is in Him. How great is our God! Truly He comforts and speaks to us when we seek refuge under His wings.

Ever since that encounter with the Lord, I have discovered how abounding God's grace, but better yet I am sure now that I am in the faith and if all things will never work out for me in this world I am still sure of my eternal reward which is a reunion with my loving God in Heaven!