God gave me a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair

I grew up in a Christian home, surrounded by the simple pleasures of the wetlands of Pennsylvania. I would disappear into the woods for hours, catching salamanders, building forts, and collecting rocks. At five years old, I was totally unprepared for the bomb shell that my parents' divorce would prove to be. When my dad left, I was devastated. I had prayed the sinner's prayer at four years old, but the flannelboard faith of my childhood did little to prepare me for the pain that I would experience when my parents separated. I had a strained relationship with my father most of my childhood, internalizing the hatred I had for him, and tearing myself apart with unforgiveness.

By the time I was in college, I was captive to depression. I tried to kill myself thirteen times before a friend intervened. She took me to a Bible study focused on emotional healing where I encountered Jesus in a deeper way than I had when I was little. Jesus had been my savior, but now he was my deliverer. I learned to forgive my dad for leaving me when I was young, and trust in God for my hope. I placed my longings for a loving father on my Heavenly Father, and began the slow process of healing my relationship with my earthly father. Jesus literally saved my life, physically and spiritually. If it weren't for my faith in Christ, I most certainly would have taken my own life. Now I not only have hope for tomorrow, but a wonderful family, and a testimony of how He rescued me. He sustains me by His Word, and gives me the hope I need to carry on through hard times.

My life isn't perfect, and depression often tries to creep up on me. There are many days where it's hard to get out of bed, or when it hard to face other people. I know that this is a lifelong battle, but I have the Creator of the universe by my side. When I'm down, I remember how he delivered me from that pit of depression, and stand in his power to put those feelings of hopelessness and isolation under my feet. I know that Jesus died for me, has hope and life to offer me in this life, and that one day I will spend eternity with Him.