From Prostitute to Christian

Before I received Jesus as my personal savior, I was a lying, cheating prostitute who was addicted to lust and money with no self esteem or honor.

I was just getting out of my first relationship- heartbroken and angry. I had been loyal and faithful to my ex boyfriend and felt my heart ripped out after discovering he had cheated on me and lied about it for years. He was the one I gave myself to at 15 years old, not knowing what I was doing but I knew it was wrong. I loved him despite all of it, the lies, the pressure, the demands. His betrayal was the last straw. My heart was torn in pieces. I was frustrated and wanted a way to get over my ex after loving him. I wanted to sleep with other men- I figured that a rebound would help me get over my first "love." Little did I know that I had no idea what real love is. Or rather, who love is. I started messaging men, offering sex and agreeing when they asked. I knew this was wrong and not of God. I did not grow up in a Christian household, but I knew there was a God and had read the bible before. This still didn't stop me from chasing these feelings that I thought would heal me from heartbreak because I didn't have a personal relationship with Him. I would pray to him but didn't realize the weights of my sin and have true repentance. So I went and began to sleep with strangers. The feeling of lust and feeling wanted made me feel better about myself. I then started to realize that I could earn money doing this. I began my own business, meeting with men on a weekly basis for sex. It became a job to me. It was not the lust I was after anymore- it became all about the money. How much could I make today? How much could I make this week? It was an addiction. I desired the money now- it didn't matter if someone physically or emotionally, hurt me or was forceful/rough with me. It didn't matter that they disrespected my "no's" It didn't matter if they were married, or lied to me about not being married, if they have kids or anything. I craved the money. It didn't matter that I didn't want to have sex anymore, because those shiny hundred dollar bills waiting on the table after we had finished was all I thought about. Throughout all this time I was living with my sister. I had been lying to her- my best friend that I never ever had kept a secret from. I lied to her about where I was, about who I was with. She had no clue what I was doing. You see, secrets divide people. To always be hiding and keeping secrets and lying to someone you love hurts. It began to eat away at me. The devil is a liar and I realized that by lying to her and my friends and family I was far, far away from God. There were points in this year long period where I started to feel trapped- like I couldn't get out of it even though I wanted to. I felt like a slave chained to the master of lust, of greed. My sister would ask me to go to church and every Sunday I would avoid it because I was living in so much sin. If people knew the real me- the ugly parts- they would never accept me. I didn't want to face God even though I wanted to get right with God and stop lying to myself, my sister, everyone. I wanted to actually love again and be my true self. During the church services I did go to, there was s spiritual battle going on in my heart. I knew I was unclean, unworthy of God's love, and completely lost. I would leave those church services and want to stop doing what I was doing "Just one last time" I would think. But I was seeing multiple men at a time. So one after another, it was so hard to let go and just ignore the offers, the amounts of money, the promises. I began to feel less of a person after each encounter- I began to feel guilty and ashamed of myself. I wanted to stop this lifestyle but didnt know how. The devil had seared my conscience and gave me reasons that justified what I was doing. But He is a liar. Shame is not a big enough word to describe what I felt. I was mortified, disgusted at myself. What does God think of me? My soul was so unpure and completely displeasing to the Lord. I felt so heavy, I felt the devil weighing me down. My sin felt like a heavy wooden plate on my shoulders. Every single day it was hard to breathe. Every lie I told the weight seemed to grow heavier. I was tired, I was frustrated at myself. I eventually told my sister about what I was doing out of guilt and shame. I felt so alone in this lie of a life I was living. This helped me mend my relationship with my sister and with God. I became celibate for about a month or two...and then started going back to the lifestyle. I realized now I had not truly repented to turn away from my sin. the devil still had a hold of me. A few months go by with me slowly being drawn back into selling myself. Although this time I was even more disgusted with what I was doing- the money didnt matter anymore, it wasn't worth the hurt I received and gave to others. It wasnt worth the sin against God. I would cry day and night asking for forgiveness. I knew I needed to turn away from my sin. So after my sister gently confronted me, I cut off all contact with anyone I was involved in. My heart was transformed that night. I truly repented for my sins and my evil heart. I knew I would be sent straight to Hell for all the sins I've committed (Adultery, Lying, Stealing, Coveting, Blasphemy) and for the first time in my life had a permanent fear of the Lord in my heart and still do to this day. I proclaimed Jesus as Lord of my life. Sin was no longer enticing or appealing to me- I finally saw my past sin for what is was- unholy and evil in the eyes of a holy, holy God. I thank God for saving my soul, and while I still feel the guilt and shame everyday, it reminds me that I am a sinner who needs to rely on the Lord. We "all fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by jesus christ" Romans 3: 23-24

When I had no one to turn to- I turned to Jesus and gave all of my hurt, brokenness, lust, greed, and evil I had in my heart.

Now that I have eternal life I don't live in fear and in secrecy. There is freedom in Christ and my chains are broken!

The night my sister confronted me I confessed my sins to the Lord and the heavy weight on my shoulders were lifted up and my desire for lust and money disappeared. I want nothing to do with that life of sin. Jesus has washed me clean and set me free.

If it wasn't for Christ, Id have no hope. Only through Jesus' can we know the Father and have a personal relationship with Him.