From Empty to Full

Before I received eternal life, I felt emptiness and a sense that "something is missing" even though I was a devout Catholic.

I remember being a young and vibrant college student that had a normal life with nothing to complain of - I had loving parents, many friends, was in college, and was financially stable. Somehow, I had a nagging hunger for something more. This bothered me enough to set up a meeting with the chaplain of the church I was going to. I told the priest what was bothering me and was hoping he could enlighten me. He had this puzzled look and asked me if I had any mortal sins (murder, sodomy, etc.). I told him "no". Then he asked me if I go to church regularly, I told him I do and even go on weekdays if I can. He asked me if I went to confession regularly, I said I did. Then, he looked at his watch, told me something to the effect that I have nothing to worry about and the meeting ended. I remember leaving that meeting feeling foolish that I worried too much and maybe that I was overcomplicating things, so I went on my life thinking that "everything was fine."

Years flew by and I met my husband. Our relationship was getting serious that I told him that if we are going to get any further, then we have to go to church together. He would often fall asleep in Catholic mass and now that I am looking at the act of going to mass in his perspective, I realized how pointless it was. It did not make me feel any closer to God, and the only thing I got out of it was that I was able to tick the requirement of going to mass every Sunday (not going is a mortal sin). So we both decided to explore other churches and find one that would help us grow in our faith. After trying other Catholic churches, we decided to try a popular non-denominational church in Illinois called Willow Creek. There, I realized that what I was missing was a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I found out that I did not have to go through confession to repent my sins, and that Jesus Christ is just a prayer away. Best thing of all, I did not have to fulfill any requirements and sacraments to receive the gift of Jesus Christ, all I needed to do was to believe in Him and I will be saved. (see Romans 10:9 and Acts 16:31) I had this growing desire to want this, but I also had to deal with turning back on my Catholic faith - a faith that is intertwined with my culture, having been born and raised in the Philippines, which is more than 86% Catholic. Soon after, my husband and I decided to get married and we were invited to dinner by the pastor who we had asked to officiate our wedding. He had point blank asked me if I wanted to receive eternal life and asked me if I knew how to get that. At that point, I had never been so sure about wanting to be saved through Jesus Christ so I said "yes" and the pastor helped me pray and ask Jesus to be my forever Lord and Savior.

Outwardly, people would not have noticed much difference in my life. On the inside, so many things made so much more sense and I had more peace in my heart after accepting the Lord as my personal Savior. Before then, I was still carrying grief for the loss of my father 5 years before. We had barely moved into the U.S. from the Philippines and he was our breadwinner, so it was a tragic blow to our family. My father was a bible-believing Christian so now I finally understood that he was with God and that I now have no doubt we will be together with God at the end of my earthly life. About 3 yrs after receiving Christ, my mother also went to be with the Lord. Praise God, she is saved as well. My journey through my Mom's final days were more peaceful. Both of us even had a conversation that she is going to a home that God has prepared for her, and that one day we will be there together.

Little did I know that during my family life, I would cling to God's promises the most. When our eldest son was a toddler, we noticed social development delays. Later on, our fears were confirmed when he was diagnosed with Autism. Without God, this would have felt like a life sentence to us. But I know that my God makes no mistakes. He has a master plan that includes you, me, as well as people with Autism. There's verse from the bible that I have claimed for our son: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Joshua 29:11 17 years later, I have seen God meet our needs - materially as well as spiritually. He has blessed us with the comfort of meaningful relationships, strength against adversity, closeness in family, and total reliance on God our Savior.

Autism remains to be a big struggle in our life, but we know that after our time here on earth, autism will not follow us in our eternal lives.