From being nothing to something

Before I received Christ as my father I was a hot mess. I grew up in church until around 8 years old then my mom started drinking heavily and my parents separated. They eventually got back together but the drinking continued and then lead to my mom doing drugs and having random men in and out of our life's and she always had me to tag along with her. I was 14 when I started getting off into boys the girls at 15 and doing drugs off and on. I got pregnant at 20 years old from someone I just met. I had my first child and I was a horrible mother I left him at home with my parents so I could go out and drink and have sex with whoever I had at that time. Then I got deployed hooked up with someone that ended up being crazy and tried to kill me. Then I came home and married someone that the lord told me I was going to marry. I hurt him by sleeping with 3 different people before we got married and hat carried over into our marriage for the 1St 9months he beat me and raped me almost daily. But he was drunk on so much whiskey he would just black out. After 2 years of him being abusive he pulled a gun on me and our 3 month old son. He got arrested and went to a mental hospital to get treatment for ptsd. Then I started going to Bible study and he followed me he gradually started to change and then he got saved in September of that year I got saved 4 months into our marriage in the living room floor folding clothes watching a sermon on tv after a long night of abuse.

I remember feeling so alone scare hopeless and didn't know if I would still be alive the next day. I didn't know if he was ever going to change but I loved him and prayed for him everyday. It took 3 years but the lord answers all those prayers and then has blessed us beyond belief

I remember the day I got saved I was so sore and bruised up from being beat and raped the night before and I remember ing crying and tell God how sorry I was for hurting my husband so bad that it made him hate everything . I had so much love for him I just didn't know who I was and it got us in to something's we never should have faced. But the lord told me it's OK child and he started changing me never once did I tell anyone what was going at home or call the cops when it first started it took me a long time to be brave enough to take action for the abuse and drinking to stop. But it stop and by God grace we are still married and I love him even more that we been through so much together that would've made most people go cruel up and hide

Every since weve both been saved we have had 4 kids altogether and they are all healthy even though the ladtvywo had health issues that could've took both of them away we have prayed together grown together and now we are about to step out into the unknown and sell everything and pick up our cross to move across the country to see how we can touch other peoples life where he is leading us bc we are living in the end times and I don't have enough time to focus on the what its but rather then amen and thank you father now I want to use me story to touch other peoples heart to see that even when everything seen so dark there is a light always waiting for you to receive him.

If he would've never pulled a gun on me and my son and me have enough strength to talk to God and say is this who you really choose for me I would still be living a life of constant fear

I have the holy spirit guiding me and yet sometimes I still struggle and doubt the future I know he us holding me up in his right hand and there is nothing that is going to stop me from showing the world full of pain that someone is there catching every tear and every fear. I love you Abba father you are so great and powerful no weapon form against me shall remain and the war that is wage is a war of spiritual realms not of flesh. Satan hates it when we take Gods word and let him lead us.