Forgiveness Even for Me

God's forgiveness has been the most positive benefit of eternal life. Although I was raised in the church and accepted Christ at the age of ten, I did not know how to stand up for myself and what I knew was right. This led to actions in my teenage and early adult years that I was so ashamed of and felt that I no longer could ask God for anything. When I realized that Christ had died to take away those sins before I was ever born and that He loves me so much and wants me to realize the joy that comes from that kind of forgiveness, I began to have an inner peace and was free from my past. God's word says that He has forgiven and forgotten, and although I have not forgotten, I have forgiven myself, too.

I didn't really understand the full grace of God until my early twenties. I had been abused at the age of twelve by two relatives a couple years older than me. I went through two failed marriages with abusive spouses. Looking back over that period of time, I know that God protected me and helped me through some horrible times and brought me out on the other side, broken, but totally surrendered to Him. I experienced years of PTSD as a result, but through God's mercy and grace I no longer hate my abusers or have the anxiety and panic attacks that plagued me. I don't fear the future now, because I know God has control of all things. I have a peace and joy that I can not explain that had filled the core of my being where hate, fear, and shame once resided.

I know that God has saved me and I believe His promise that I will be in Heaven with Him for all eternity. I do not fear death and I do not waste time being sorry about my past. Each day brings joy and assurance that God is who is says He is and that He will do what He says He will do. I have learned to put my trust and faith in Him and not man, because His love NEVER fails.