Finding the Relationship I Truly Needed

Before I understood grace and eternal life through Jesus Christ, I lived a very self-centered life that often led to depressive states.

Growing up Catholic, I knew God existed, but I thought as long as I checked all the right boxes I would gain everything I wanted. This caused me to focus on my need to feel loved, and other impulsive and selfish desires, and those decisions led to depression more often than they led to happiness. Even if I did find happiness it was temporary. I constantly felt like something was missing, and it eventually caused me to doubt God's existence. If I was doing all the right things, why was I still unhappy?

I entered into a long distance relationship right after high school, and it really took a toll on my mental state and self-worth. I felt like my entire identity was wrapped up in him, and the distance was almost debilitating. After that first year, we both moved back home from college and my boyfriend (now husband), challenged me to read the Bible with him, listen to worship music, and attend his church together periodically. It was then that I started to fill in the gaps of my knowledge of God and what following Him really means. One day we went to see our favorite band, Skillet, in concert, and I saw a woman worshiping to my favorite song (Comatose). Like a ton of bricks it hit me: that song that I had listened to on repeat in order to help me through that long distance relationship was about a relationship with Jesus, not a romantic relationship. It was then and there I realized what it meant to receive the gift of grace and eternal life from Jesus, and I dedicated my life to Christ.

Because of Jesus, I found true joy, self-worth, and purpose.

Now I find all of my worth in who God says I am, not in who people say I am. I realized I was chasing after things that would never truly make me happy because they are from this world. All of the earthly relationships and things, including myself, would never fill the God-sized hole in my life. Now I understand from personal experience that drawing close to Jesus is the only way to experience true joy.

I know nothing in this world, nothing I could ever accomplish and no relationship could ever provide me with the love that Jesus can. By proclaiming He is my Lord and Savior, and continually allowing Him to shape my heart, I know I will one day meet Him face to face in Heaven when I leave this world for eternal life with Him.