Dying To Self so I Can Live with Christ

Before I received eternal life I was searching for love and affection from people and things. I was trying to fill an emptiness within me.

I remember pursuing careers, titles, even infidelity to satisfy my emptiness. My insecurities led me to believe that attaining these would make me feel whole instead of emptiness with no purpose or indentity which only increased my need for more sinful addictions and destructive habits. For example, I was seeking to be loved, but didn't believe I deserved love. So every time I entered into a relationship, I would self- sabotage it. My pain, hurt, insecurities, and low self worth wouldn't lead me to international behavior that would validate my emotions. I was married but didn't trust she could love me. I had a great professional career but didn't think I was valuable enough. Had two beautiful children but was jealous of the attention, success, and love people showed towards them. I was envious of the life they had which I was part of establishing. But one night after work I stopped by a local sports bar and ran into a few old friends. They challenged me to drink shots of tequila which I never had done before. But my desire for approval and acceptance led me to accept the challenge. After two or three shots, I left driving home. On my way home, my wife called me upset about a co-worker calling our home with allegations of adultery. Instead of driving home, I drove to the co-workers house. I Knocked on the door and after hearing her voice inside and her refusing to talk to me, I kicked the door in, went inside and verbally threatened her to stay away from me and my family. Me being totally intoxicated woke up the next day totally unaware of what I had done. I leave for work and while at work the sheriff arrives because I have a warrant for residence entry. I was allowed to turn myself into the police. Booked, deloused, and put into a dark police truck for transport. While sitting in a dark small box, I believe this is when finally heard God's voice. He said now what are you going to do! Your level of education, position, titles, wealth, none of it can save you from the humiliation and embarrassment that is coming. It was the first time I truly realized that I needed a true Savior. Someone to set me free. Not just free from jail, handcuffs, but free from myself. So I decided to surrender my life to Jesus Christ. I vowed that no matter what happened in the situation, I will serve Him the rest of my life. It was from that small ride with Jesus Christ that I watched my life totally change. Every day was a little bit better. There was some habits that were at first hard to get rid of but through my prayer life God continue to bless me and grow my love for Him. God has filled me with Himself and transformed me into a true disciple. My love for others is no longer about my pain but helping them find the Savior that I found. My marriage completely changed significantly. I learned how to communicate with my wife, love her as a gift from God, and seek God for everything that I need. I have an inner peace in the assurance of the promises of God. I know that He loves me if no one else does. So I pursue this healthy love every day. And He has forgiven my past mistakes, sins, and has imparted me with His grace and mercy. I now live in Christ Jesus as an example of just how much God loves.

Through the works of the cross by Jesus, and because of the love God has for me, I now through faith in Jesus Christ know that I have eternal life. It is only by faith that I am now saved.

Now that I have eternal life, I no longer feel stressed or anxious about being lost or unwanted. Jesus showed me the greatest act of love for me that I need. So now I serve God by sharing his blessings with all who He sends to me.

Most recently a few family members disappointed me by not showing up at a very challenging time. My old self would have felt defeated, unimportant and unloved. In the past I would have let this control me and lead me to sinful destruction. But my new self in Christ spiritually let's me forgive them because God is present with me. So I lean into the truth of God instead of listening to the lies of Satan.

I believe that there is now no condemnation for me because I love God, have faith in Jesus as the Son of God, and have made Him Lord of my life. I am assured of His promises that I will never be apart from Him, even after death!