Deliverance from Drug addiction

Before I began my relationship with Jesus I had lived a live of extreme addiction, recklessness, and despair. As long as I can remember I have been a thrill seeker, an adrenaline junkie and a risk taker. I grew up in the church but didn't take it very seriously and figured I was too young to make the decision about my spirituality. The idea of getting right with God was very distant to me, something I knew I had to do in life but I was hoping to delay it as long as possible in order to experience as much of the world as I could.

Once I hit 7th grade I began to fall in with the wrong crowd. I was dealing with high levels of emotional stress, constantly fighting with my parents, my grades were slipping, my world was pretty dark. I picked up the habit of smoking cigarettes which I did religiously until a few months ago. By the time 8th grade rolled around, alcohol was introduced into my friend group. My first time drinking would become the norm for each time thereafter. Once I caught that first buzz I knew I had to have more and more, I could never have just one drink, one would turn into as many as I had money for. I got alcohol poisoning a handful of times. Once I turned 14 Weed was now integrated into my weekly cycle of escapism. Reality was simply never good enough for me. Sin was my whole life, my sense of humor was incredibly dark, I harbored a lot of hatred in my heart towards almost everyone and everything. I lost my virginity to a girl I didn't love or care about much, This began to contribute to my guilt in life. By the time 10th grade rolled around I was a full blown, drug, alcohol, tobacco and sex addict, smoking weed all day everyday, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I was taking anything and everything I could get my hands on. I made the mistake of smoking spice, or synthetic marijuana, and suddenly my world flipped upside down. I would get psychotic episodes, life didn't feel real anymore, I didn't feel like living anymore and I embraced evil as my friend and lived a very manipulative and selfish life. I had a freight train of demons on my shoulders. I began drinking every night and it became a ritual of mine. I knew the whole time something was missing in my life. I hated how addicted I was to these things. At the end of 11th grade I rekindled my relationship with the girl i lost my virginity to and we began a very unhealthy relationship of constant sex and drug abuse together, she was into some occult practices but I didn't think much of it. We were codependent and spent unhealthy amounts of time together. Eventually, I realized we had absolutely nothing in common with each other and eventually broke up after a year and a half. At the time of our break up I hit weed and pills hard, xanax and percocet entered my life and I never processed the break up, although the relationship was toxic she was a big part of my life so I felt even more like something was missing. I was high all day every day since that break up. I moved on from weed and alcohol to amphetamine pills, molly, cocaine, shrooms, lsd, and laughing gas. I went from spending half of my paycheck on drugs to every penny. I looked and felt like death but couldn't stop. I was a basket case, Extremely paranoid and angry at the world, I was definitely not pleasant to be around. My relationship with my family deteriorated to almost nothing. I spent $7000 on drugs, fast food and impulse shopping in a month or two and began sensing that this cycle needed to stop soon or I was going to die. I smelled horrible as I was killing myself with drugs all day, every day.

One day at work I felt something tug at me telling me I should quit my job since it was enabling my addiction and contributing a great deal to my stress levels. I left a note on my boss's desk and walked out. I didn't say it but I knew God led me to quit my job and seek some help for my now overwhelming problem. I had about $250 dollars left and spent the remainder on cocaine and weed. Once all the money was gone I began the withdrawal process and let me tell you, that was NOT fun. Going 7 years as an addict running away from myself and then suddenly stopping like that without any medical help put a ginormous toll on my physical and mental health. I was out of commission for weeks and down right miserable for about a month. At this stage in my life I was now 19 years old. My sobriety date is 10/30/2017 and I've kept it ever since, I even kicked cigarettes too. It was hell on earth for the first few weeks. I knew that I couldn't keep running from the lord deep down and one night this need surfaced. My head felt like it was splitting in two and I was crying out violently to the lord to save me and my mom came in the room and prayed with me. After that prayer and acceptance of Jesus into my heart the pain didn't stop but I felt a sense of peace through It, I remembered that the Lord will not give us more than we can handle and I was reminded of his love. I've committed so much evil in my life that I felt that salvation was too late for me but I know that if God could save me then he can save anyone. I'm incredibly grateful that he delivered me from the darkness.

I finally have some hope and purpose in knowing that the only reason I am alive is because God still has a plan for me and I am so excited to see what it is. I am thankful for my life, even though it has not been easy I have learned a great deal in my short time here on Earth and an even greater deal about the extent of God's mercy. It feels like a two ton weight has been lifted from my soul.

I no longer fear death and darkness, my anxiety is a ripple in a lake compared to what it used to be. I can't wait to meet Jesus when my time comes because I now know that this life is not the end but simply a precursor to our true life after death. Hope was an incredibly distant concept to me once and I was longing for death but now I have found my peace with God and will serve him for the rest of my days.

Now that I know where I'm going after this life, fear has no hold over me and I want as many people as possible to experience that freedom.