Confronted In My Closet

My life was.. pointless.

I grew up with 2 siblings and my parents were married up until a certain point in life. They were Christian’s, like I remember going to church as a kid or maybe with grandparents even but of course being that kid that fell asleep in church. I recall some nights me and my mom would pray and i just remember her almost like being surprised when I remembered a prayer point from before. I don’t remember if my parents had me reading the Bible or me having an understanding or knowing that stuck that i can have relationship with God through Jesus. I knew Jesus died for my sins but I don’t think the fall of mankind & the reconciliation knowledge stuck or if i was even taught that because later on in life i came to a point where i said great he died for our sins & thought i didn’t have to worry about how i lived like it was okay to live however as I planned to most likely get drunk that night. I just grew up saying bedtime prayers & praying over food & this carried throughout my teenage & some of my adult years. My “faith” (didn’t even know what a faith was lol) looked like believing in the creator that he exists or just grew up going through the motions of what stuck from childhood but not trusting in God or being relational with God which is really important. I do remember in high school having moments with my friends trying to be better & trying to do things like go to church, stop cursing & drinking but that was about it. It wasn’t because of making Jesus Lord and Savior so it was sort of pointless.

Eventually i started asking what’s my purpose in life & got deceived into new age, tarot readings, & witchcraft. That specific period went on for about 4 years & being on social media just scrolling so much i would come across videos on tik tok about Jesus & I think i started to believe but still didnt fully understand the importance of things & one day i lost my job & i was freaking out & immediately im thinking im gonna have to manifest like never before some coins (btw it never worked for me all the new age stuff but i kept trying hoping for something different one day) & i got in my closet about to so called muster up some money & i got on social media to find something that works quick & i came across a video of this girl saying that the people trying to manifest & such things alike need God & not all the other things we were doing & she may have mentioned that it was demonic because i came to a point where i was so confused & didn’t understand how it was demonic & i was going back & forth internally & was so conflicted i just started crying & said i just want to know the truth & i believe it was God that met me in that closet.. as if i had a choice to make but he was trying to reach me, awaken me & show me a better way.

He was drawing me to Jesus & he began to reveal the truths to me, specifically the truth, the way & the life & he started opening my eyes to see how i was fooled & deceived & i know he was the one saving my life all of my life but in that moment something changed. Like he confront me with the best intentions for me, he met me in that closet & started to change the trajectory of my life & heart. It was a tough start for me, being so concerned about this life & not having a full understanding that this was all temporary & never thinking about a eternal perspective. i remember not even wanting to live but he gave me a reason to live, he gave me purpose. i just remember sitting with myself trying to think of something as to why i should live & living for God was the only thing that came to mind. It’s been tough for me but he’s been there through it all. Giving me strength, a joy that made no sense that somebody would have with everything i was battling spiritually on top of life circumstances.

One night I had a out of body experience & was in danger, I could just sense the evil & I was so terrified but you guess it. He has proved himself to be true, the Bible says those who call on the name of the Lord shall be saved & I called on him multiple times & to spare some embarrassing details & skip to the good part he answered. A voice behind me & he patted me on my shoulder & told me it’s okay. He’s been faithful, he’s lifted up my head & has even told me he loves me & i don’t mean only someone randomly saying “Jesus loves you”. I mean personally to me directly & he’s touched me in ways no one else could. One of the best days of my life in a tough season he told me he loved me & i had a spark no one could put out. Only Jesus can do that. Now when I think about memories over the course of life, i see him & all the times he has perused me, kept reaching out & has been patient & he has literally been there even when i was deep in sin & he wasn’t even a thought to me but he’s faithful like none other. Life is still hard but with a God who is all knowing & faithful, when I wake up everyday even when i don’t feel the best in my emotions I’m still thankful for the breath in my body, I give him thanks for his mercy & grace & another chance because without him & who he is id be lost in damnation for eternity. But he is a God who pursues us because he loves us & wants us to be with him in eternal life. I hope this has encouraged someone to keep going in their walk with Jesus & for someone new to know that God pursues you right now as you read this & we hope you’ll make Jesus Lord & Savior of your life too.

1 John 5:11