Changed by God's Love

Before accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I had a great fear of rejection. Because of my low self esteem, I seldom, if ever, spoke to people I didn't know well.

I was so afraid of saying something wrong, and not being accepted by others, that I wouldn't speak in group settings unless I just couldn't avoid it. Even around family and freinds, it might take me several hours of being together again to feel comfortable opening up and expressing myself.

After the birth of our first child, God really started convicting me of my need for His saving grace. Being raised in a christian home, I knew every word of the Bible was true, but I was not willing to risk rejection in order to live a christian life. Yet, with my young son's eternal future seemingly in my hands, I couldn't do anything less than to trust God with my life, including all of my hopes and dreams, in order to pass on that knowledge to him.

Once I said yes to God and I resigned to live my life His way no matter what the cost, He immediately began to show me that I could be accepted by others for who I was, for who He made me to be.

I was afraid that my new marriage might come to a halting conclusion when I told Kavin that I had decided to repent and live for Christ. Unlike me, he had not grown up in the church, and our social life as a couple was based on partying with our friends. Yet, when I broke the news of how different my life was going to be and that it would most likely result in some of his lifelong friends no longer wanting anything to do with me, ultimately costing their frienship; Kavin simply stated that he was looking for friends when he found them! I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Without a moment's hesitation, this non-christian man was willing to stand by my side even if it ment that he would have to do it alone! I had never felt such love and acceptance before!

This was just the first of many ways that God has shown His great love for me through those He has so graciously placed in my life. Even now over 35 years later, I know that I have only had a glimpse of His unfailing love. One day in heaven I will sit at Jesus's feet and see clearly all of the ways that He has provided for me!