All-Sufficient Merit

For most of my life, I was ruled by the fear of not being good enough.

My pastor gave an altar call every Sunday, and although I’d been baptized and prayed the sinner’s prayer many times, I always felt I needed to do it again. I never had true assurance of salvation because I kept wondering if I had meant it enough. I tried hard to be good—as a daughter, sister, student, and friend— but when I failed, I either hid it or confessed it endlessly. Every mistake felt like a verdict on who I was. Grace was hard to receive because my identity was built on being good.

One day, I gained eternal life for real.

As a result, my long-held insecurity turned into peace.

I never doubt my salvation now- not even when there's an altar call! And I no longer feel like I'm on a performance treadmill, still trying to prove my sincerity to God, myself, or others by working harder. This shows up the most when I do make mistakes, I can own them with authenticity without making them my identity. When I'm guilty of wrong, I know where to go with my guilt, and it no longer rocks the foundation of how I view myself.

If I were to die tonight, I know for certain that I'm going to heaven because of what Jesus did to make me righteous before God.