A redeeming testimony

Growing up, my biggest fear was losing my family and anyone that I loved. I feared loss and I feared the deep, debilitating ache I would have in my entire being if I lost my parents or my siblings. I love deeply, I hurt even deeper

At one point in my life, my parents announced they were splitting up, which shook my little brother and I to our core. My youngest brother was at a crossroads with his faith, and this did not help at all. I am still hurt by my parent's divorce and angry at how it came about. My little brother came to me and claimed he was an atheist, he did not believe in God or anything that has to do with Him. I was so worried about his salvation. Nothing mattered to me more than for my brother to know Christ.

Before all that though, my dad would read the Bible before we would go to bed, and we were and still are a very close knit family, I love my siblings very much. I knew God was real, His presence was evident in all that I saw, and it was on my heart to accept Him into my heart so He could transform my life and lead me to where I needed to go in life. I lost my way with God sometime after my parent's divorce, I became very angry with Him for the heartache and the confusion that came with this very ungodly action. I told God I will love you enough to keep your commandments, but far as having you to do with anything further in my life, I do not want it. for six years I kept God at bay, I did not want Him to get close to me because, again, I feel deeply and I hurt even deeper. I got involved in a long distance relationship I had with a guy in Virginia, and he was not the person I thought he was. After stringing me along for almost four years and we each had come to the other's state to meet our families, he called off our relationship. It was a pain like no other, and it took several months of healing from it, I was under demonic attack a lot during that time, and it took one night when I went to bed, I had an out of body experience where I saw these demons walking in and out of the hallway outside my bedroom, and I was scared because my little brother's room was across from my own. I jumped up to make sure he was okay. There was a seal around his door, so nothing could go in his room, I sat back down on the bed and looked at the foot of it, there I saw I am sure it was satan at the foot of my bed; the figure was dark, smoldering, his cape was torn and raggedy, and the flames of hell reflected off of him. It was a very menacing, daunting and dreadful being, very angry, and I came to after that and I told the devil, "No, you cannot have me because I belong to the Lord Jesus Christ who is my savior and my king." All the dark presence that had been in my room vanished immediately and I felt the presence of God. I gave my life back to Him that night and apologized for ever running away.

After I had given my life back to Christ, immediately I began to change inside. I became whole and more joyful, I knew it was the best decision of my life. I have eternal life because of Christ and I received so many blessings, the biggest one next to my own salvation was my little brother's, I could not have been more thankful to the Lord that my brother came to Christ and received his eternal life, too. Since then he has grown to be an exceptional young man with his own business and a loving wife and they are very happy together. Years before, we told each other the best thing that could happen to either of us is if the other found goodness and joy. We are both happily married to wonderful people. when I gave my life back was around 2013, a year later I met my now husband and we have been married for 9 years and altogether we have 12 years of love and joy.

So in the same year I met my husband in 2014, my mother had a brain aneurism that ruptured in her brain, and despite some surgeries she became braindead. The whole ordeal was harrowing, but God showed up through His greatness. She was in hospice dying, and my siblings and I all have prayed and decided that God knew best, we all agreed, and one night at 1:30 the hospice nurse called and said we needed to get up there. So we get there and we gathered around her to pray for God to do His will, my mom opened her eyes for the first time and called one of our names. We were shook! she came out of her coma and was put in assisted living to recover. One evening on my way to Jacksonville from Tyler, I was praying asking God why things like this had to happen and why things were the way they were. Right as I said that, the sun set on the west, casting a beautiful red-orange glow, and on the East side a pink moon was risen with the most beautiful pinkish blue sky. God said, "It is not for you to worry when I hold the balance." it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

I know without a doubt that I will be with my Father who did not have to have mercy on this dumb sheep. I know that by the Lord's blood blood I am redeemed and am in the book of life. It is written, that he who believes and receives the Lord is given eternal life. I know the Lord is real and present because I have changed so much and learned so much about who I am, my identity in Him and who I worship and answer to first and foremost. Nothing can separate me from my faith in God.