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A Piece of Me
All of my life I grew up knowing about Jesus, but not having a personal relationship with Him. Although I longed for it, I never really knew how. I just knew I wanted the relationship with Him that I saw others having. I had so many questions for Christians and guess what, they were answered BY Christians. I was never made to feel ashamed by the questions I asked. I am so grateful for His act on the cross, I am so grateful for what He did. I never in a million years could have imagined going through what I did in experiencing the death of a child without having full faith that she is in heaven and that I will see her again one day. In John 14:6 it reads, I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me. The beauty about this is that despite all of our ugly he LOVES us anyway. Getting to heaven is clear, we just have to make the choice to accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior and it's an open invitation to anyone.I am so honored to try daily to live my life to honor and please God. I feel that through our experience with the pregnancy we were pleasing to God. He carried us the whole way through. That peace felt was not by chance, that was God.
I have always been afraid of what is to come, such as the end of the world, fear of the unknown.
I remember finding I was going to be the mother of a child who would likely not survive. My biggest fear was the death of one of my children while I walked this earth. When we found out Luca Jayne had T18 and that her odds of survival were slim I had to choose to rely totally on God. The other option would have been to just be sick with worry and doubt, I love my first choice much better. I was smacked right in the face with my biggest fear. It was scary and unknown, but such a peaceful journey and a peaceful birth. I relied on Him for inner peace, strength, joy, comfort and hope. It was so hard facing my biggest fear and yet so peaceful at the same time. I'm reminded of Mary and how she must have felt watching her son die on the cross. Much like her I was in a way prepared for what was to come, but nothing prepares you for that moment, except that Jesus was with me during that moment and He remained with me during all of the moments that followed and that will come. So thankful for Him, because without His death on the cross I would not have hope in seeing my daughter again.While of course I am sad that Luca is not here with me, I know just where she is.
At every Church I ever attended as a child I always accepted Christ into my life, but never knew the depths of what I was actually doing I just knew I didn't want to go to hell. In 2010 I recommitted my life to Christ after having attended Calvary Chapel for about 3 years, I knew that I did not want to live in fear of the unknown anymore, I wanted to look forward to Jesus. I wanted to live my life according to His plan and not my own.
Eternal life gives me joy in knowing I will one day reunite with my loved ones who are no longer here on this Earth. I will live eternity in the light and not the darkness.
Once Luca Jayne passed away I was sad and crying, but totally still inside. The hardest thing I ever had to do and yet God calmed me the way I prayed He would. The room was peaceful the way I prayed it would be. He never left me.
I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for you and for me. I believe that he rose again. I am saved and I sometimes fall short, but I am forgiven. Each day I strive to live my life to please Him and one day when I die I will be in Heaven with him.
Your testimony matters too