My Story
Finally Knowing
Although I accepted Christ as at the young age four or five years old, I struggled throughout most of my young adult life with the question of whether I was really accepted by God. As a teenager I was somewhat popular in high school, but inside I felt extremely insecure and isolated in my fear of wondering if I would go to hell if I died. I didn't feel like a happy person and I wondered if it was because God was not really in my life.
I would often lay awake at night wondering if God accepted me. I was too afraid to ask anyone about my fears, so gradually I began to live as if God was not a part of my life. My sophomore year in high school I only cared about hanging out with the popular kids in school and I eventually started drinking and smoking on a regular basis for that whole year. By the end of the year I stopped because I felt ashamed of myself for doing things that went against what I knew was right. I stopped hanging around that group of kids, but in my heart I still wasn't happy. By the end of my junior year in high school, I reached a point where I was so tired of myself, my behavior, and insecurities that I knew something had to change.
During my senior year, I started going to my friend's church. I noticed how loving the youth pastor of the church there was. I felt like I could trust him with my question of whether or not I was really going to heaven when I died. When I spoke with him, he explained that if I had asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins and accepted him into my life, then I could know for sure I would have eternal life. He showed me a verse in 1 John 5:13, which says: "These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the son of God that you may know you have eternal life." Right there my eyes were opened to the fact that John was writing this verse to give other Christians assurance of their salvation as well. There was no need to doubt anymore; I could take the Bible at its word!
From this point on, I experienced a tremendous peace and began walking with a new sense of self confidence.
My friends began to notice that I no longer cared about trying to impress them by doing certain things to look cool. I began to break away from some of the kids who had negatively influenced my life. I began to model a positive attitude and leadership on my cross-country team that I had not exhibited before. My coach took note of this and made me the captain of the team my senior year. To this day I still consider this one of my most meaningful accomplishments.
Even more important than breaking away from bad friends and being put in a leadership position, was the continual peace and assurance I felt in my heart that I knew for sure that I would one day go to heaven. No longer would I lay awake at night wondering if I measured up to what God required of me. I knew I had eternal life, not because of the things I did, but because of what Christ did for me.
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